I'm sick and tired of being insulted and me not saying anything. I'm tired of Googling "why people can't (insert)" on there. I'm tired of questioning to God WHY I HAVE THE FLAW OF NOT DEFENDING MYSELF FROM EVEN MY OWN FAMILY! I don't know if I'm weak or just a plain idiot, then why I like to be humiliated, bashed, verbally beaten, and a plain masochist? This ain't Mamut talking, I'm totally OOC here. No Mamut is talking the pain; I'm the Joe that has feelings and that has dignity unknown.
Why I can't rebound from my own problems? Why do I have to linger pain and guilt of my inability to cope with such things, and then hear my mother's anger? How much do I have to pray, fast, and read the Bible to get an answer? How much do I have to handle before exploding like an idiot? How much can I go before bashing myself in front of everybody in Cyberspace!!??
Writing is not helping, not one bit. It hurts that someone says to me an "idiot", where I can't find peace, where I'm hit in my jugular. Where I fell wounded, hurt, torturing... myself.
Lord, help me realize my weakness. I'm being too earnest, but please break me where I need to bre broken. Strenghten me where I need to be strong. Make me rise in my weakness and start over, not to question Your paths, but to be glorified in me. Where I can go, covewr where I fail. Remove all guilt from me, and all my brokeness. Forgive me for not beaing at ease with the things taht happen to me. I ask for Your wisdom, where Your power is made known where I feel hurt, broken, and confused. In Your name I pray, according to Your will... AMEN.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (1 Corinthians 12:10)
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