New Year, New Hope

As I look back to 2009, I wonder how unusual, personally, this year has been for me. More than moving to America, I’ve stepped out of the “comfort” of my background and decided to showcase my love for God and passion for writing to strangers from around the world. This, however, somewhat failed when I tried to do a blog last year, but as God is good, He has given me the tools for success.

I also raised a degree of self-consciousness worthy of scoffing and mundane reason. More have I not doubted, repented, anguished, or at least reminisced than this year. In America as in Puerto Rico, I am blessed of having the God of Hosts on my side, my family who loves me, and my friends who support me. It is not the only thing to look for, as it is the last day of the decade! Seeing death, restoration, salvation, fear, proclamation, innovation, saturation and the craziest things in my life gave a clear-cut perspective for what to sing in love.

Whosoever told that the “point of no return” is here is certainly on the right path. (Or at least on the right passage…) Time goes on, yet we cannot return back. Life will go on, Jesus will return, all will end… Hardships flowing in my own Puerto Rico have not been easy, and I still get frustrated and annoyed when death or political turmoil attests against our image. However, it has become such a possibility for us to return back, but I’m not willing… (Lord, make me willing to follow You…) I love my family, but I can’t hold back, and I love it here in America. I do not know how the year will greet us. (Strangely, I’m still reluctant to go, but I MISS MY FAMILY!)

I still find a hope that New Year’s Eve brings, along with the holidays. The old is done, all is made new! The same Gregorian cycle, however, keeps rolling the same way. There is still hope, the one I had to see my father again, the one I had to be washed away with blood and water, the one I had to grow and be here in America, to write and sing and worship and lead… And I’m still a minor!

I do not know what the next decate will bring (I know that a blue moon’s up and running!) but God will still bless, clean, save, hope, pray, praise and return. I love serving God, and this new year can’t become more newer than ever!

Feliz Año Nuevo 2010

Happy New Year 2010

The Most High

The Boil in My Head

I have been struggling with a boil on the back of my head for a week now. It’s becoming more painful, and I can’t take it out. I told someone it was a stress mark (or I thought it was that or the former); proves that I was wrong, it is a boil. (I have nothing personal against Susan Boyle; she has a tremendous voice, and who doesn’t love comebacks!?) Such disconcert makes me guilty, more than I am for my past sins (if I ever sinned with the declaration), but it does make it more painful to bear.

I woke up way early when my sister told me that the boil was growing bigger. Of course, she wouldn’t resist the temptation to touch it. The worst point is, did I actually sin sometime? Yes, but is this punishment? (though I take a skeptical view of karma?) What I do know is that sickness and death came as result of punishment. And thus…

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (1 Peter 2:21, NIV)

I found this verse in a MySpace app on my profile. (Perfect…) I know that the context means of servitude and suffering and submission for slaves… but what does it have to do with a boil in my head!? Look, I don’t want to creep you out, but it’s growing every stinking’ day, and I can’t turn my neck without pain and I can’t take off from it…

Maybe this is what God called me. If we haven’t even been close to the point of shedding our own blood (Hebrews 12:4), this small suffering should be overlooked for the greater things in life… er… eternity, so shall I speak. Mind you, please notice that I’m also struggling with many other things not as relevant to mention, but enduring one more day without actually leaving the house(this is a reference to the snow storm in Maryland) and get a doctor and open it up will get me mad!

Then again, what if His will is for me to trust in Him? Just that: “I will get the boil out for you, but I want you to trust on ME for health, for ME on your classes, for ME for peace…” (I have been getting stressed out, and these boils pop out of nowhere.) I do not know when this boil will pop out (if it pops out), but something I know: I delight in my weaknesses, even if boils don't count.

Look, the sun is coming up!...

We're Beggars.

Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." (Luke 9:58, NIV)

I see this verse on a crazy time in my life. Now that Christmastime has arrived, it is also prudent to be open that I do not know where the rest of my life is headed. “In Christ”, of course, will be the first and logical answer (and the perfect clause to add), but there is a truth evident: we’re beggars.

Whatever happened since June must’ve been God’s job. The truth of the matter is, we don’t know where we will sleep next. This transition, this big leap across the pond, has changed our lives in an unorthodox, but magnificent way. Tension still remains, for we do not know if we will stay in Maryland, or leave to Florida, or even turn back to Puerto Rico.

Allow me to evaluate: I am willing to stay in Maryland for a while, but I want to finish high school. My dad has been crazy ever since we got here to go back there (I don’t blame him; he’s comfortable), and I am tied to whatever decision he and Mami takes. My sister and I are still reluctant to go back, if the point of this change is to… well, change! But what if we do leave and I have to restart high school somewhere in the country, or somewhere back in my country?

The question remains: If I leave Maryland to turn back to Puerto Rico or to Florida or anywhere, what would I do? Isn’t it the Lord’s job to send us, as He was sent by His own Father to earth, as He did on that manger? On the cross? On the temple? Truth is, the immortal Son of Man was delivered on this transient world for the freedom He already has. Everything He touched was mortal: skin, man-made temples, the sea, cloth, even He was buried on a “loaned” grave! Such human place for an immortal… is this love?

Whereas we pack our bags tomorrow and leave, amidst all the reluctance, this should be the prayer in my heart: “Be it Your will, Son of Man, that I take at every place I go.”

As White As Snow...

How unknowledgeable of my part! Christmas is here, and we should celebrate it will all poise it deserves. More than a celebration of love, charity, family, and beauty, we know that there is more than a holiday season: the birth of the King of Kings.

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD."Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18, NIV)

One of the things that pop out of my mind when I hear “winter” will always be “snow”. Who am I talking to, if I only saw snow when I came to Maryland!? It’s one thing to enjoy the company of family (my uncle loves it being with us) in such a marvelous time, another thing is spending the holidays outside of my country for the first time. I’ll live, if I last to New Year!

When snow was announced to fall on the first days of December, I was ecstatic! I have never, ever seen snow! I’ve gotten used to the cold temperatures a bit, but… snow!? (I can tell you the date, but it’s not relevant at this time.) “Snow” was but a mere dream back in Puerto Rico, only when the mayor of San Juan (the capital of the island) went and picked up snow for the children. Such nice act, but I knew I was going to see snow, real snow!

I prayed about this the day before with all my faith. The next day, I went to the computer as usual, and I checked weather websites for some info, but I prayed again. I kept on my normal fashion, until my parents and my uncle notice snow. When I came to the apartment window to get a glimpse, I saw small flakes of snow falling down the ground. With this, I knew that He loved me, as such on my second “snow-prayer”.

If God promised the Israelites, as sinful and ravaging that He will blanket them with grace –if they repented, of course-, why can’t He do the same thing to us? Whereas I may be inconsistent on this, white still has a big predominance, so pure and crystalline. As much that God has given me to live (and what I can’t handle!), snow should be the first reminder when things go wrong.

I got a cold after that, silly of mine, but I must’ve got something etched out…

ChristYork!

Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ... (Phillipians 3:19,20, NIV)

"Tiger Woods... Oh, My!"

This is one brief expression with the whole Tiger Woods drama.  It's also the same expresion of the pains of bureaucracy, racism, entertainment, and life.  In a world where Homer v. Plessy is more than glorified unconsciously into life, blasphemy is known (bad experience at school!) and indiference tips off our bones, I think that we Christians only have one thing to do: pack up our backs and move to ChristYork.  Not New York, ChristYork, a city totally made for Christians, by Christians, from Christians. 

 

Here's how I view this city: it's located on the other side of the Hudson River in New York State. (Picked that place 'cause NYC is the "crossroads of the world!")  We drive out unbelievers out of the place, like God commanded Joshua and Israel in Canaan, and we establish a city with the flag of His blood.  We then make a big worship service and declare ourselves independent from the rest of the world, although we still make people "escape" to this Christian haven.  Everyone who's a Christian and holy will be in there!  Our mayor will be a Chrisitian (denominations will rotate), all councillors will be Christian (a spot per denomination) and politics will be based on God and what's best for the citizens.

 

Do you know about Times Square?  Not in ChristYork, for there is a Jesus Square, wherer we will hear Jesus' name be praised 24/7, 365.  (Jesus will love the place!)  Christian radio, no alcohol, the "city that never stops worshipping"... unlike the pagan New York, ChristYork will strive for our Savior!  Unbelievers can visit the city, yes, but they can only be for a week, so they don't "pollute" the holiness of the city.  If we're successful, ChristYork can make extensions around the world, in London (ChristDon), Tokyo (ChristTokyo) and Christ Church (Christ Church!... though there's not much of a difference!).  Of course, our url will be www.christchurch.<3Jesus.com! So full of Jesus!  So full of God!  And do you know the best part out of everything?  Do you really want to know? 

 

It's... not gonna work.  Really!  For if this world is extremely flawed as it is, what promises you that ChristYork in the other side of New York City would even work from the get-go, if not destroy itself before fifty years?  We are sinners, and sin will ever follow us.  Sin is worse than swine flu, and it ticks off a bigger hell!  What about those who get tired of hearing "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" all day long?  They'll pack up for another city!  And what does not promise you that there will not be "Christian ghettos" in the same city? (e.g.: Pentecostals in one place, Catholics in another, Baptists in other place, Adventists further)  The list of flaws will go on, but this will not happen on God's green earth... until Jesus comes to make things straight.

 

With many things happening in my life that I struggle with, I was thinking today about this "imaginary city".  What illusions can we put ourselves into creating our own ChristYork, a terrestrial haven for everyone and other Christians while escaping this world?  This can be a great idea, but the concept of mere utopia is not here.  I draw the example of ChristYork to see how much do we really want to "avoid the world", but what about shining in it?  This, my friends, is the tough part.  How willing are we (youth mostly) to stop fantasizing about an eartly heaven, and realize that God's purpose is to know His love to everyone?  We know that we are already sealed for Heaven, yet our Savior will not return from a ChristYork... He will return from the Heavens, awaiting us in love. 

To Overcome

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT)

I am a conservative, but not as much in certain issues. When it comes of seeing long-time friends in MySpace, it is a different ordeal. Sometimes, I have to try to hold back and resist and desist from putting down a friend. (These moments fill my mind with unlimited “forgive me’s”.) Whereas I may feel shocked while seeing how they’re doing, it still surprises me to see them what they’re wearing, how they act, what they have…

Call me whatever you want (“alarmist” is preferred, thank you), but this is why I write about overcoming. As much as I must learn to overcome faults and difficulties, I also must overcome myself for Jesus. Another experience I bring: I’m still struggling in Musicianship. I have complained about my stunning obligation to fix (using the verbs have, must, etc., those obviously referencing to any complete self-force), and I’ve thought how I’d measure up over them. Most of them are in the school choir, others play the piano or other things. (Some even vie for Music majors at college!) In the midst of all this talent, should I care? Yes, but to overcome, not to strenuously despair and crumble as of habit.

None more than insecurities are portrayed. It seems that I may need to overcome myself, overcome my classes, overcome in my life, and overcome with Jesus. He overcame sin, He overcame life, and He overcame death! Overcoming what we know in life will take extra work, drawing out our sins and fighting for our lives will only be possible by Jesus.

In Sickness and in Health

A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14, NIV)

Nothing is more annoying that an impromptu cold ascribed by the carelessness of the first winter snowstorm. Ah! How much I have to battle with a runny nose, a wad of generic Robitussin cold medicine that is an abominal abortion of cherry flavor, and saline-concentrated nose “uncloggers”. How uncomfortable it feels to walk with pajamas all day, thermals, a small tissue towel by my side, and walking with socks! (Did I have to use this in Puerto Rico? Maybe some stuff, but not the thermals, all right!)

Alas, ‘tis the woes of winter. At least God has sustained me in my sickness, as much as He will do in health. As much as I can complain and whine about being sick, God still gives me grace and forgiveness to deal with it. (I hope to be better, thank you.) Another thing I cling my hope on is at Jesus during the times I feel spiritually “sick” and kind of “bleh” in my life.

If you mean by “life”, I mean “spiritual” and “normal” life. Call it as you are, but there are times where we bag ourselves in pure-bred sick and icky until we can’t take it anymore. (This is an obvious reference to sin.) We get colds, flu’s, even that thing from swine we can’t name anymore! Overall, God still is working us out in our hearts, yet we do not know how true and certain this statement is.

Overall, how true is God working when we are really sick? I just have a cold. We were, in a deeper sense, sick back out there (needing to avoid euphemisms), called out by God to heal us and change us into what we are now. We still get dirty, as long as we keep fighting the good fight of faith, and He still nurses us back to health. Even if it is every day. Because we always sin every day, it is to say that we need to be checked up every day. Jesus never hesitates to do the job.

He Who Lifts Me Up

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. (Psalm 3:3, NIV)

In this point in my life, I should’ve expected more of myself, especially when it comes to talking to people. I will not tell you what happened, yet said snafu held an absurd, complex, connection with Kleenex, runny noses and tampons. Oh, the last word still rings me apart! It is, moreover, that I do not know as of yet to handle my jokes. What a good servant, what a faithful Christian!

In other questions of abhorrent stupidity, I also have to prepare soon to make-up for an SAT test soon, for the first time, and another work. I also feel frustrations in Music class, and I’m having the common cold. It is NOT a great way to start winter! Be it that I still must face stupid decisions for my many sins, or just that I’m depressed for my own shortcomings in life, God is so gracious to let me repent and start over.

Letting go is the hard part, looking up and answering my call as part of the Redeemed of Christ. It is many a day where I still look heads-down when I walk. Maybe it’s still time for me to learn. It’s also hard to appear with a straight-up countenance of happy when you’re bogged down to death (sometimes literally), but God still shows His love to us. He still lifts us up in grace, He still takes down all of our sins and troubles, and He will throw it to the sea. (How much I need encouragement!) He still roots for us in Heaven, and in the deeper of our hearts.

No One Else Like You

I don't know why I like music...

José E.

What's New?

Allow me to make-up for my lost time.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:11, NIV)

Oh, what a pessimist!  Whoever the Teacher is, he really has a jacked-up view of life.  He thinks that everything is meaningless, that everything is vain, that all work is vain... Then what is life, if under the sun?  This book is kinda tricky, because, if not careful, can deviate from up until most of the things the Bible knows.  To further explain this, allow me again to write about New Moon, the newest vampire movie.

I went to see New Moon with my sister and my uncle (he beautifully bought the tickets at Fandango.com) the premiere date.  There were many activities, and a current surge in the school library for a New Moon calendar.  My sister lobbied for me to ace the quizzes (I did, but I only received candy and a Doritos).  My sister, as stoked as she was, even brought a vampire t-shirt! (not the flagship movie!)  With the date (and I missed Christian Club, lame, I know) on hand, we saw the movie with a few hundred more.

If you are reading this, you may be rolling your pretty eyes right now and scoffing, "sparkling vampires!?".  I GET IT!  You are surprised that this move has even made the annals of history.  That, however, is not the point!  There were many movies of that right now, such as Dracula, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Dracula 2000, Queen of the Damned, etc., even if vampires didn't sparkle you to death.  And look at American Werewolf in Paris even if there wasn't a six-packed, half-Native American dude who only modeled in!  Look at retro, it's famous now!  Look at the cycle of water, it always goes with the near-same residence times!  Look at crazy people, they've been always in the olden years!  (By the way, don't give Twilightnites such a hard time!)

Going back, the Teacher (if it is Qohelet, we do not know; if it is Solomon, maybe, God only knows) would've think that rock music, punk rock, and Kathy Bates' rendition of Psycho or Madea's antics would've happened back in his time.  Under the sun, what is of worth?  What can become knew, if not in God only?  (And what can become of heavily pop-culture-referenced devotions?)  It all comes back, just like America's Next Top Model.  (Why I watched the show still remains a mystery.  I just liked the pictures...?) 

Is it even knew that there were "diaries" of some sort in the olden days?  Yet, is it better to know that God makes all things new.  For this is what Isaiah 48:6 says: "You have heard these things; look at them all.  Will you admit them?  From now on I will tell you of new things, of things unknown to you. (NIV)"

Leap-of-faith Editing

This is the first time in a while I directly write to Blogger, getting used to writing somewhere else in cyberspace, and then copying the blogs here. (I will tell this soon.) However, I'm taking a leap of faith, editing the blog for the first time since a month. I do not know how it will work, I just know that God is on my side, and He will help me as best as I can.

Like the mustard seed...?

The Lord of Time

(It's the end of Daylight Savings Time in most of the USA. It's pretty interesting how it now sets: we have to get our clocks backwards one hour! It's the first time we've experienced, and now we don't get the frustration of waiting up late for the shows. (Nothing bad.) However, we also have the problem of calling to Puerto Rico, because of limits in our plan (we can only call from (9:00 PM to 6:00 AM, but it's gonna be 10:00 PM. It reminds me of something I've written in August 18, back in Puerto Rico. With some edits ;) )

Focus on: Psalm 69:1-13

But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. (Psalm 69:13)

Ah… prayer. The most elemental activity of faith. Just communicating with God, talking, hoping, having faith, swaying oneself to the Lord, connecting, asking, receiving, worshipping… A lot can be done in short time. God is so approachable, on good and in bad. And His Time is His. Let me tell you something that happened shortly…

For the first time in a while, I went to church for prayer. I called the co-pastor (the pastor’s sister-in-law) to pick me up. At 7:10 or so, she parked in front of my house. My sister had the phone, and my sister was on the phone. She waited for at least ten minutes, calling me, and I was getting dressed. She yelled, and I screamed, “Voy!” (“I’m coming!” in Spanish), so I got my seemingly-broken squared button shirt, whitewashed jeans with some grease stuck, and my Nike shoes that didn’t mix with anything.

Of course, I wasn’t cooperating with her (or so I asked). My stupid self-conscious guilt-trip was starting, but lucky she told me that I could learn from my mistakes. As I went to church, got to the altar and bent my knee (I think I used antibacterial), I went to pray as best as I can.

But something happened: I forgot my clock and my cell phone, just like the people of Israel forgot to do bread with yeast! Instead of spanking meself for forgetting that, I was wondered with the glory of God: how could He let this mishap so I could forget about time, and just remember about Him, even in the still of worship? The One who sketched eternity in our hearts just wanted me to forget about time, so I could focus on Him and Him only?

Am I flattered! Be glorified, Jesus!

We will NEVER give the time that the Lord deserves. I know that prayer is a sacrifice, but I’ve tried to find conversations with the Lord even while on school (not talking actually), on homework, while on my bed, even while writing (I’ll try that one). But, why Jesus pleases so much on stripping us of time so we can focus and…talk, if He knows everything? He just waits for us to say, “Lord, I need to tell you something”, even if it’s the most mundane of things. Everything is important at His wheel.

Now I know, I hope you too, fellow reader: Jesus is the One, the Lord of Time, the Lord of Lords.

Food for Thought:

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. (Psalm 31:15)

It's a Thriller!

Want some of my pumpkin?

Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? (Matthew 9:4, NIV)

I know, I know; yo sé, Halloween, pumpkins, Saw, EVIL!

Nah. Halloween is (supposed to be) one of the scariest days of the year. To some, the zeal of killing random people with engineer-like traps (as in Saw), or the craziness of talking to dead people (as in Medium or Ghost Whisperer, good shows... sorry!), or even the outrageous deaths of teenagers (as in Final Destination), nevertheless the chance of dressing up like a fool or a "fool-ette" without no one telling you anything!

Back in Puerto Rico, I remember once that my grandma told me that Halloween was satanic, evil, and demon-evoking. By that, I followed her call. But at one time, when one of my cousins had a birthday party, my sister was dressed as Pocahontas, and I was dressed as a ghost. (Lame, huh?) There’s this really lame division right there, people don’t celebrate Halloween that much (unless you’re in an American base or a little kid). More of “treating”, they use it for “tricking”, T-Ping houses, egging people and houses, and making ugly concoctions for no reason! These “maldades” were just child’s play compared to many weird cults in the mountains. Some –no joke- used blood –real blood- for sacrifices! We knew where they were (their altars were set up), so the churches used to do cultos (services) that night to counteract it! And we have faith that they succeeded!

Now that I’m in America, I see an apartment door decorated with Halloween stuff. I see another house in Adelphi (¿?) decorated for the event. I imagine some kids will trick-or-treat that day (dang! Don’t have no tracts), and a lot of parties, too. Alas, I’m not going to celebrate it, lest I see a good scary movie and there’s some spare candy for the little tykes who wish to show up at my apartment door. It’s also a big mess the “to do or not to do” debate among Christians. There’s something I can do (and believe me, God knows me well, I am going to pay for this…)

(Nothing personal, I'm just joking...)

Happy Halloween! Dios bendiga!

José E.

Too Much Blood?

(Wrote this yesterday.)

A massacre, in a bar, late last Saturday night. A cold death scene with a young child, victim from a gunshot. Another teenage is murdered in his school, a "model school", in broad daylight. Marches and prtoest stubbornly fight their fate. What is happening to the Puerto RIco I know and love? Why is it victim of too much blood? It is a far-fetched fact: my Puerto Rico is crumbling, cracking along its own rim. Where to I dare find fault? I have never believed that this crime wave would shake us to the core! Is it being invaded by its own foolishness? There is nothing we can do, other than pray and watch for its own fate... or is it?

On par, I turn back to the cross, where all began.. I turn back to what was the feat of agony, the forsaking wretch on the purito ofour Lord. Screams, books, wiping tears follow. Oh, risen Savior, why did You endure so much torment!? Is this the price of love? ANd I graciously have this? Why is it too much blood?

Let me clear: blood of sinners and saints have been spilled on this earth, but not in most occurence as this time. It will become worse until His awaited return. (Is this me writing?) As we ready our feet for eternity, our own future lies on the message of His blood. For much of the blood spilled now returns to the Earth, soon to be fired down, we rely on Jesus' blood who cleanses us whole... like a dialysis! Now, I dare not to chuckle at other people's despair. One thing certainly remains: the blood of goats and calves made cleansing on the outside, but Jesus made full cleansing with His blood, pure, holy, for once and for all.

Referenced in Hebrews 9:13,14

The More You Grow...

I planted the seed. Apollos watered it. But God made it grow. So the one who plants is not important. The one who waters is not important. It is God who makes things grow. He is the One who is important. (1 Corinthians 3: 6-7, NIRV)

The more you grow…

I SUCK in ear training. I mean, I can identify notes, lines, and (somewhat) key signatures, but hearing has met my match. Oh, identifying intervals has become a pain in the… tush! I can keep up the pace in a few moments, but then… I get messed up fast! Then I have to start over. And I’m only practicing for the first two intervals! (Lord, help me! Or, please help the teacher so he can help me. Indirect approach…?)

All right, all right. I have to fess up: I am not a musician. It is seemingly frustrating to see that many of my Musicianship class are in the school choir, and another one plays piano. (Some are gunning for auditions!) I just… write. And I don’t know when to use it! This is a nasty burden! At least, the teacher told me, “you’ll be fine” last Tuesday. This means that he’ll help me along the way, provided I show to him that I want to grow…

Wait a second! What about God, you say? Sheer desire for growth is not the only thing He pleases for in our walk. God has promised us growth in spirit, but we have to put the first stone (not throw it!) for Him to grow. That’s called faith. And (as usual), I really need to take this home. I am my obstacle of growth, focusing too much on what I can’t do, than in the things Jesus wants me to do. (Lord, I’m too much of a sinner to blog, lest to help that poor guy out on Geometry!) Ah, the pains of spiritual growth. Like the church, Jesus uses both who plants and who waters so that we can grow hands-on to His power and grace.

The more you grow…

In The Moon

Focus On: Psalm 72: 1-12

Remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. (Colossians 2:12, NASB)

I have discovered many reasons to write: it brings me freedom, it helps me cope with distinct (personal) problems, it helps me share the word of God in a new light. There have been, however, other limits to writing: I need to get a life, I need to grow up, I need to stop whining. There is no gray spot where the two goals can’t agree with each other!

I am, in fact, definitely in my moon. When I mean, “in the moon”, I mean, separate from what I know: friends, family, a job, and studies… everything I know. And while I see that place disintegrate, I have to make over in this land, of freedom, bravery, and lawsuits! It is, in fact, tough to restart everything, but with God, He will carry all our burdens… if we’re willing to give them away.

This separation from what I know also has taken the toll: the inability to stop sinning. For more that you think of not sinning, you get so wound up by trying to not sin that you sin without measure of that same thing you told yourself can’t sin! Darn, it is hard! It is a true fact: serving the Lord is hard.

Being “in the moon”, I also realize how separated of God we were. Without Him, we were in our own separate “moons”, not wanting anything Supernatural –or nothing righteous- to aid us in our life. Until we bumped into Christ. Things totally changed, proving that our “moons” couldn’t be reined alone, but with Someone on our side. Jesus became the center of our lives, crowned and worshipped in glory. We do know this, but how much of this conviction is in our heart? How many times have we pushed Jesus away? And how many times has He returned?

In the moon, God will always pick up His stray sheep. He will always carry us in our weakness. It is hard, sure, letting this sink in our heart, but this is why we pray: Lord, please help me know that we are nothing without You.

Shut Up and Worship

(I'll be doing something different today. Hope you like it!)

Amado, can you stop for a moment? There is something I have to tell you.

Amado, which church, if any, you go to? Which denomination? Why I ask, you ask? For a moment, I thought you were going to throw me with something! Sorry, my friend. However, there is something I want to tell you.

Why do we concentrate so much on proving who’s right or wrong? Who says that pants are sin? Who says that raising hands in worship is uncanny and outdated? Who says that modern praise music is from the devil? Who says who? Why do we concentrate so much on who knows more doctrine than realizing that –even though it is necessary- doctrine is just a way to recognize the order of Christ?

I know, amado, you’re rolling your eyes already. Can we lay our Bibles up, put our “guns” down, and just worship? Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. (Psalms 96:8-9, NIV) Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness. (Psalm 29:2, NIV)

Should I beg? Amado, we are brothers in Christ. We will correct each other, care for each other, love each other deeply, even if we are in different denominations. For that is not serving God? Please, brother, don’t point at me, it makes me feel bad. Just help me worship the Lord.

Please, amada. Let’s shut up and worship freely and deeply. Let us cleanse in His water and blood, dress in His Sprit, and worship without any malice.

I pray, Lord, help me shut up and worship You as You deserve to be worshipped.

God's House of Horrors

Hell houses!

“…they, too, will drink of the wine of God's fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. They will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment will rise for ever and ever. There will be no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and its image, or for anyone who receives the mark of its name.” (Revelation 13:10,11, TNIV)

Hell. It’s freakishly unsettling to many (even to me), so this topic is becoming knocked out from the pulpits, for the dismay of some. Just thinking of the fact that we’re headed straight to hell is not comforting- at all! Just the fact that Christ can save- now you’re talking different! It has become a debate on what type of “hell” really exists, if (according to many denominations, they question) exists any. And how people envision it can be hilarious, or scare the bejeebers out of you!

Now that we’re in Halloween, it’s imperative we should talk about hell houses. Like a haunted house, it is the Christian-alternative version of it, growing in number (and kits!) for many Evangelical churches. Some say it’s a fundamentalist tactic, some say it’s an emotional manipulation, some say they’re nuts, others defend that they’re presenting the evils of the world, showing them the truth, and saving them with the true Gospel. It’s confusing!

As you know, with “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”, there have ever been pictorial representations of Hell in view. But allow me to explain: a scene has a date rape; another scene has a gay marriage and subsequent death of one of the spouses by AIDS; a Columbine-like shooting; a teenager tempted by the devil to commit suicide- and succeeds; drunken car crashes; a botched abortion. These are day-to-day scenes of life here in America, and they’re presented in a bloody way.

In a world which loves blood, these hell houses sure are giving some blood! Hell houses, unfortunately, have become a fear-mongered spectacle. This really has become adept at making the world, Godly! However, I cannot say: they are doing a great job by acting out these parts, but this can’t cover for the faulty representation of many things- gay people aren’t the only one who die from AIDS, and not all abortion procedures (though wrong, in my viewpoint) are that botched. This has succeeded to see that many have been “saved” because of it; was it for the medium, or for Jesus?

Food for thought: Read “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”, from Jonathan Edwards. (We'll use for much of this week!)

Where's Love?

Focus On: 4: 7-21

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18, NIV)

Do you remember? (NEW! Look at these posts for a quick recap): Make Me Complete, Lord and Don’t Leave Love and Faithfulness!

I have something personal to share (as if it was enough?): I’m afraid. Of spiders. Arachnophobia. The skirmish of these eight-legged freaks (sorry, God!) is just too tempting for me to come forward. In fact, this has let me slow to enjoy Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant last night on the movies (without counting my corny misadventures)!

It was when I was six, in 1st Grade. I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time when a stupid skulltula appeared on the game! I was so shocked, I ran to my bedroom (we all had a big bedroom) to my mom and dad. Thus, this has harbored my fear of spiders. Now, the watching, viewing, or even thinking of spiders haunts me. Where is the love?

This is what many people experience: hatred, hardship, trial, pain, suffering, and many more things. This leaves many more in confusion, doubt, envy, losing faith, etc. John declared that God is love (1 John 4:8,16), and made it the central part of the book. In God’s love, fear is not harbored. In His love, His grace flows mightily open for all who desire and/or need so. Just like my irrational fear of spiders, God helps me cope with those frights of horror. His grace is enough, such a wondrous revelation! No fear can take us away from God’s mighty hand.

As always, you know the drill: It will take time for me to apply this truth (if I do something at all in this lifetime!). It may take time for me to squeal at some spider pictures, videos, or magazines, but what the hey? JESUS IS ENOUGH and that is all I need to hear.

Food-for-Thought: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:14)

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You.
-Parachute Band, Complete, chorus (Remember the song?)

The Brave Surrender! (Or, How Come!?)

Focus On: John 6:1-15

"There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?" (John 6:9, ESV)

We all know the story: Jesus, realizing how many of the people He teached were hungry and couldn’t set them home, made a banquet out of only five barley leaves and two puny, little fishies. However, my point is not on the miracle, or the fishies, or the bread, (Jesus will always be glorified), but on the vessel Jesus used: a kid.

(On some days, followers of the blog may need to go back to some key posts to understand what I’m talking about.) The Lord knows. It’s amazing that I am struggling in the same thing –look it up on Blogger-, not long, and I’ve still fell for it… IF I’ve fell for it, knowingly. Yesterday, I saw a Pfizer commercial so touching. What a teen looked like he was going to vandalize, he wrote a “BE BRAVE” in graffiti for a sick girl (maybe her sister?). What does this mean, other than more than medication?

I saw another video on Yahoo! last night, about a woman in Indianapolis, who prayed for ten minutes while being robbed. As the Lord is merciful, the robber had a change of heart, and talked to her for like forty minutes. She also received faith that maybe was lost, and pleaded for Christians to open up. What happened to the robber, then? When he left- with nothing more than $20, he turned himself in later. She was being brave, with her life.

Two stories, different, have one connection: bravery. What became a calling for bravery also became a chance to point down unorthodox ways in which encouragement can be displayed. Back to the story, I ask: “How Come?” How come a kid, a small kid, could give up all that he had so that God could use a miracle? (I have this marked on my Bible in Spanish.) This, in fact, was the study the last Thursday I went to church. How come the apostles, knowing that many people may have had way more or way less, decide to pick a child with only a 5/2 ration? What does this mean? Why did he give that up that easily?

The boy was being brave. What he didn’t know is that his contribution was marked as a miracle in history, perpetuated by generations of the Bible. The kid had a large amount of faith to willingly –willingly- give all what he dad. He gave it all for Jesus, One that he may have heard, even if it was so small. How can we imitate this kid? How can we imitate his faith? How can we surrender, being brave, even if we face trips and falls, deliberate sins, fears and failures?

Let me be brave, let me be brave...

Another Day, Another Squabble!

(Wrote this last night :) )

Focus on: James 1:19-27 (This is NEW!)

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. (James 1:22-24, NLT)

"Let God change it!" has become one of the main precepts of laziness, thought He is the Only One fit for the job. Leaving one's burdens is relatively easy: confess to God our inability to carry our own selves, and giving it to Him. As you know, it is a myriad of food-for-thought accessible at this point: surrender, change, completeness, grace, faith, hope, love, guilt, sorrow, among other abstracts. In each I do my God-given best in portraying a unique identity to the youthful Christian life.

Problem is, it is easier said than done. Of the near 100 posts I’ve done, very few of them have struck to the core. ON surrender, I’m not willing; on change, I’m not acting; on completeness, I don’t feel like it, yeada, yada, yada, all over the space. What would God do? What will he say…? Who am I preaching to, God, the people, or to myself? (If any?)

Friends, it is tough to listen. Worse, it is tougher to apply His word in our lives. What can be more fruitful than that delicious unction of His hope embedded on His Holy Book. Writing, however, is just an imperfect medium; how we do this? God knows. Be mindful of how those truths are done, not only on faith and tongue, but on our actions. THIS, in fact, is the hard part.

Change does not only come from accepting the Truth, but by doing what the Truth- Jesus Christ- says and does. And, yes, it is a hard thing to strive for, for the standards Kingdom are high, but Jesus Christ in us will reach to the unimaginable. Everything is done in Him (Phil. 4:13)

The problem isn’t when we grow; it’s when we grow without knowing why we grow. (Did somebody quote that?) Padre, let us listen more –but better, do Your will. Even when we fail in the most miniscule detail.

Food-for-Thought (This is also NEW!): How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life. (Psalm 119:103-104,NLT)

Borrón Y Cuenta Nueva (Or, The Click)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)

It was surprising, horrible. I couldn’t believe myself. We needed to move forums in… a week!? How in the world THAT came from? What I do know, however, is that I lost EVERYTHING, from June to now in October. I didn’t lose EVERYTHING, however, since I copied the posts sporadically to Blogger. I did, lost, however, a week of posts, even my prayer for the 100th post. I would estimate the percent, but let’s leave it lost in memory for the sake of simplicity.

When we were told to move forums, I knew what it felt. I moved from a small Caribbean nation, for crying out loud! But it was heartbreaking, because I have to close soon and not enter again. (Or at least, that was my own proposal.) You all know the drill. Because I applied in February –but entered in April-, the worst is that all my history is gone –posts, pictures, videos, even the blog. All my history –poofed! , and I knew that I had to give that darned click out. I knew I had to detach from there to another place. It was hard giving that last click –and praying about it at the same time-, but I have faith that God will do wonders back here.

It also whisks that as much as the forums are definitely having problems restarting, also we have problems acting –or at least leaving our own whims- as “new creation”. Do you know how many times have I warned that the “jerk” can also be a sexual connotation? (I know: Once!) Do you know how many times have I not helped anything or pick up a tray? (This is definitely going to be addressed in the future.) You may also have problems in dropping off something that God’s not pleasing, and you may wrestle with Him. (I know, dude!) But Paul was right: anyone in Christ IS a new creation! NO sin can’t take us; NO evil will take us from His hand. He holds us dearly, His grace is high. We are new, Nuevo, shiny like stones. Like a new forum, it could take a while to break us and mold us (maybe a lifetime); like an old forum, it takes time to drop things and close. For God, it is worth it.

God, make us anew, make us shining.

Con todo el amor de Cristo,
With all of Christ's love,

Entering No More

I will not enter the old Commonwealth forums anymore.

It was hard to do that last click on "logout".

I will see you tomorrow, Dios los bendiga.

Joe.

Prepping for the Big Day

Hey, people! It's me, Joe, from "My Life In You"!

Right now, I'm finishing stuff up for the big restart on Wednesday. I'll change the outlook, use more multimedia, and show more pictures of me! There are a myriad of topics that I want to speak, and I changed my logo for its sake!

Don't think that I am liking the free time! (If I only had a life... Maybe I have one, that's why I write...). but I'm adjusting some stuff to -you know- make it appealing. Here's my new motto: Custom-made Writing!

Sorry I haven't checked in with a lot of my antics this past weekend (except Saturday), but it's just prepping for the big day. Please be considerate! I'm anxious!

With all of Christ's love,
Con todo el amor de Cristo,

José E.

To The One My Heart Loves

A few days ago, I was doing some things in the computer when I found the intro from Hillsong’s “Mighty to Save” in YouTube. It featured six verses, but a comment caught my attention and one verse specifically:

Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother's house, to the room of the one who conceived me. (Song of Solomon 3:4, NIV)

I know, huh? It’s strange to use Song of Solomon (or Canticle of Canticles, how you prefer to name it) in a non-sexual fashion. The point of the book is to exalt the virtue of Godly love, in all spheres –be it sexual, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, never to be left out. It is extra-hard to expound it without prior looks or biases of love.

I have read Song of Solomon. Beautiful book. It brings to my attention that this verse –as the comment correctly stated- was not much used in churches anymore. (Do I remember hearing it?) It is also interesting, because the lover doesn’t want to let him go. NOT. ONE. BIT. She was deeply in love with this man –is he Solomon?- and would not leave him, not any chance. She has dared to find him wherever he is and take him to her mother’s house- as a sign of marriage and respect.

Well, maybe we can draw something to us. We need God, NOW! She was desperate to seek him, so are we? She wanted to know him more, so are we? She was to go to the harshest circumstances, so are we? Yes, we do fail to strive for the ideal that brings seeking God, but we start in bits by bits. I guess God looks our desire to grow in His grace. Just a simple, “Lord, I don’t want to let you go”, with the most simple and humble heart, is more than enough to begin.

Some more food for thought: His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand, where his power was hidden. (Habakkuk 3:4, NIV)

Here’s to the One my heart loves… the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ.

A Bit of God in the Midst of all Madness

Honest. At the mad, raged. At the eager, bummed.

I wanted to write about the strikes in Puerto Rico –at this point, they have already ended in peace, praise be to God. When I also heard about the sudden movement to another forum, from the one in which I’ve been with such blessings of people, to another one from scratch…? What is going on in here?

Maybe scheduled maintenance failed. I don’t know much, only God and the people that deal with these forums know what really happened. Just noting that the data has been wiped out to this very point upsets me. All that I have written, ALL… has been erased, forever spread to the cyberspace. At least, I salvaged some part of my works, as I took a week or so and copied the posts into Blogger. It is in fact, sad, that most of my recent work got lost… I estimate a 7 or 8 percent.

In the midst of the turmoil that comes in change, I also know this by experience. (We shouldn’t, however, value experience more than Scripture on its own.) You have known –which, by the grace of God- my journey into moving 1500 miles near to America. In just a month, God’s Almighty hand has moved in our favor, I say this by faith. However, there are many things to clear up, and moving is one of them.

I still find succor in this verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10, NIV)

I do, in fact, remember using this on a post in summer (shhh!), but I find a new light on it. Though most refer it as the quiet on my own hearts, I have read (on the frame on my uncle’s Quest NIV Bible) that it can also refer to the “cessation of armed conflict” or so quoted. It is also of such respite to see that we…

Uh… lost my analogical track.

Well, we are in fact warriors in this world. God, our King, our Adonai, our Lord, has become so gracious to fight our battles, to shield our souls, and to battle the good battle of faith. Not for the Commonwealth, the USA, Puerto Rico, or anything, but for the Kingdom of God.

Worship Week Promo...

(On late July, I was to speak about worship for a full week. Unfortunately, the idea failed. However, I want to share you a promo, just to even out some things.)

What is worship? How we worship? Why we worship? Who we worship? Where we worship? When we worship? There are many questions surrounding this.

For centuries and millenia, worship has been the main grain in the Christian Church. Now, there are many traditions, forms, ways, recordings, fears, dangers, loves and many things worship can bring or evoke.

Am I a worship leader? No, not for now. But if we take steps and we decide to give to God all we have, then we ARE ALL worship leaders.

Follow me on a journey of worship.

Joe

One Thing...

Jamming to this song. Won't write tomorrow. Remember MTO topic. Behave.

José E.

Let Me Try and Be Mature...

Reality hit me today. Though I’m in a good mood, I have to run and point out my sin:

What I mean is: if God Himself showed up and told all of it, people will still find a flaw of His existence.

To sum up, we had a discussion about the existence of God (as always), while finding a tangent to the conversion of Paul. I never imagined that it was candidate to the most frustrating post ever written! I never knew that I could act as a jerk, not one bit. It makes me feel… dirty, perverted, a nuisance. Please, forgive me.

Now that I look of it, it is in fact, disrespectful. With this simple sentence, I am giving mouth to those who disprove of God, even that His perfect will to know humanity we fail to grasp. I also failed to grasp when to shut up, as always.

I also faced what to answer early this morning. Of course, I waited for a reply. To date, I still wait for one. However, I do not believe that I have disrespected God, my friends, my peers, even myself. I will ask for forgiveness.

Also, there is no reason to push what I believe and shove it into other people’s minds. It doesn’t work that way! This made me consider if I’ll take out the MTOs for now. Let me try and be mature.

Please, forgive me if I have been a nuisance; and God, forgive me, too.

The Battlefield

Today, I will depart from the normal circumstances that I present. You may ask: Why?

Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints. (Jude 3, NIV)

During the week, I have come face to face with the fact of being contending. If you remember my post in July, I had struggles with many things, insignificant as for most may be. Another fact is (while I need to do more homework), that sooner or later I need to stand up, make ground for myself. This is somewhat tricky for me.

Like the 80’s song, “Love is a Battlefield”, also the whole scope of life is involved in said battlefield. The world always presents that the winners are the cheaters, the trampers, the wisecrackers, etc, regarding meekness as weak. In fact, God so wants broken, meek hearts, that Heaven is made of those unwilling to rush to the hot-buttoned world. This also has meaning, because pressure –especially self-made- is unknowingly destructive.

When I came here, I had biased thoughts about the people. Will I have to be tough, gangsta, a mo… you know? Will I have to hide Christ –which is the most basic form of rejection- to get friends, or go “secret-Christian-mode? What about my somewhat cheesy lingo? When I came here, starting to experience a normal, American lifestyle, I never knew that it would be (sorry for the redundancy) normal. I also prayed to God while getting ready for school. (I had a rough night, to say the least.) And this, I uttered while opening the window blinds in the 46-degree cold of the Mideast:

THE ONLY WAY TO STAND UP TO OTHERS IS TO NOT STAND UP TO YOU (God).

Or at least, giving or taking a few words.

This is something I quickly pondered, and I had it hidden in my thoughts, until now. The only way we can stand up to the world, letting them show our walk and power, is to not (and I mean, NOT) stand in self-centered arrogance to the Lord of the Heavens (though, He loves to work with wild hearts, I do not know why). You know that the value of self-respect is an important life skill (which I need, by the grace of God, work on it), but also more important is the value of humility to God. It is still impossible to be haughty to God and submissive to others at the same time, but it is also impossible to be submissive to God and haughty to others, too. There should be a balance, and only God, with our Helper, the Holy Spirit, will transform in the long haul, up until eternity.

After this, I’m back to more homework!

Forgive and Forget!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions
from us. (Psalm 103:12, NIV)

You all know my latest plight.

Today I face some…personal horrors, but I’m cool with it. I guess I’ve forgotten the simplicity of forgiving and forgetting. This also means that I should do the same: forgive and forget myself.

A song, “East to West”, was playing on the back of my head last night. I went for my dad’s IPod (conveniently located in my room) and searched on “forgetting sins” in Yahoo. This went to another interesting, yet divisive, inquiry of how God, if willing, forgets our sins if confessed. Most importantly, He forgets them, nailed to the cross.

This is a brimming, bubbling message of hope for all people! This is also confusing! For the God that had decided to forget His enemies –which are us at one point-, He did the unimaginable: become flesh and die so that all can enjoy His eternity.

He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites—all their sins—and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert. (Leviticus 16:21-22, NIV)

In the Day of Atonement –I love this story- there were two goats in lots: one was used for the tabernacle and the other as a scapegoat for the desert. The tabernacle goat was used for sacrifice, meaning that God will wipe our sins away. The scapegoat, however, had a different fate: it was to carry all the people’s sins, and to be taken to the desert, where it would never return. This meant that God took all their sins far away, “as the east is from the west”.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:-16-14, NIV)

This also calls for us to forget what happened in our past and live to our future: the Heavenly reward. But how God can remember everything, even if He says our sins are forgotten from His presence? To be honest, I do not know; something also clears up, however. I guess, it helps us to grow, and to not commit them again. There is something, however, yearning for love. We long for peace, we long for forgiveness. And God does that: He forgives, He forgets, we grow in His love and grace.

Lord, You have removed all my sins, as of humanity, as the east is from the west. Help me forgive and forget myself, and grow from said experience. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN.

Heal Timer, or Time Healer? (II)

All is well within these couple of days. Now that October is running around the corner, it also means that the holidays are coming! Among other family activities we will all soon be sharing, I’m also pondering up about something.

When I opened to you about the “gay scandals” back in late July, it was a really heart-wrenching deal throwing this up in the open. (You can remember what actually happened.) It was somewhat strange and really personal (now, it’s not that much!) that God knows that pain-in-the-gut feeling I had. Also, September 30 really reminds me of another time…

After the big hoopla happened with the computer, it seemed to pull fine after a few weeks. I remember August 24, the end of the Olympics, the fake system antivirus seemed to clear up. It was also a relief, so nothing much happened in those weeks. My birthday passed, other church activities passed, school passed, for a span of a month. It also resurged, but not as immediate. I don’t remember watched when I relapsed into the gay porn thing, but I do know about Tuesday, September 30, 2008. I was going to a school to do some SSL hours (they were giving the College Board exams in the school, we had the day off) and I searched for it. Before and after, I knew many sites that I unfortunately remember. I even looked up on the “Church of Priapus” a few times in July! When I came back from the school, I went to the computer, and Mami gave me a stern warning. (She knew what was going to happen.) It went way downhill from there, and you could know what’s up next. I hit something that I shouldn’t hit, and BAM! Another fake system antivirus on the run! They were upset (who wouldn’t?) and I wasn’t allowed to use the computer for the rest of the year without supervision. The computer was erased, but its memories still haunt me… forever. (Well, not that much…)


It reminds me of this comment someone gave when I wrote the post:

"But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead
and is alive again; he was lost and is found."(Luke 15:32, NIV)

He has not timed your healing, He has not healed your time. He is waiting, and you are merely looking for Him.

The goal of “My Life in You” is not to boast about our preferences, nor beliefs, nor condemn, nor make biases (we have all done so); it’s to celebrate God in our lives, to bring a touch of humanity to not a forum, but a family. I will be honest: I still can’t grasp that truth that Jesus is waiting for me. For what? For me to give up my past? For me to forget all those things that I can’t lay down on my own? To refresh in the ponds of His love with no doubt or malice? Where I can’t go, will He cover?

Lord, I do not know what expects me in my life. Let me be willing to surrender all I can’t go for. Let me know You are waiting with open hands for us to refresh in Your love. Be glorified, let us live free in Your grace, and I ask for forgiveness in Your cross. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN.

Mamut Takes On: You Got Served!

Paul's Conversion!

As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?" (Acts 9:4-5,NIV)

This is something last-minute. Not “last-minute” in the way that I changed my mind about certain topic. It’s just the fact that I had other plans with this take-on. Maybe God knows; it’s not time to challenge yet. But for the go, I’ll keep trying.

Saul of Tarsus became Paul: the apostle of the Gentiles. But first, we look at his life: a Pharisee, he learned many things of Jewish law. He was also prepared in the best schools, knowing the important languages of the area (Hebrew, Latin, Greek). However, he persecuted Christians when the movement started to rise. He was daftly ignorant about this choice, never knowing what happened next.

In the road to Damascus, we say 30-35 d.C., carrying letters that breathed murder, he was stuck down on his feet by the Lord Jesus Christ, risen from the Heavens. His omnipotent voice called for Saul, and the calling was made known: this was the instrument to the Gentiles. Soon, his apostolic ministry would reach the implacable heights of the known world. He would also suffer for the Gospel, a true faith resonating throughout the centuries. Most of the letters present a clear-cut connection and the fulfillment of grace.

But we’ll skip the big wording for now. In fact, could you imagine God appearing to us with His mighty power? Of course we’d be struck down in awe and fear! This, in other words, mean: “You got served!” And change was shown.

Did Jesus really appear, or was it some sort of emotional ecstasy?

Repentance...

I wrote this shortly. It may seem crass, but something in my mind came up. How much we rejected God in various ways? I know; I've done that. But, still, He opens us with grace and love while we repent. This is what I want to offer. Something in my mind came like, "I've rejected You; I'm sorry" or so. How much we need Him!

I've rejected Your ways
My eyes are broken to shame
My heart is floating away
I feel like sinking my faith

I've broken Your covenant
I've failed to follow Your path
I feel that pain won't leave me
By grace, You'll heal

I offer repentance
Because I can't reach more
I want to turn away from my sin
I plead for Your mercy
For my own unworthy soul
Let Your love transform me on its own.

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus. (Acts 3:19-20, NIV)

The One Who Calls

I’m a candid guy. Remember the time that I spoke of George Lopez and there was a part about masturbation? This I expounded it… with limited results. However, something came up, and I have to address this.

I have had problems with this topic ever since this resurfaced in late May. (I am a Christian, not a sexologist.) Just the fact that some condone, some condemn, but the Bible doesn’t say anything about it made me confused. It became a “battle” of sorts; the one which I made it, and confusion still reigned. I will stick to Paul on this one: What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24, NIV)

God knows about my troubles. Even while being 1500 miles away, this has taken more twists than expected. How? Today. (Will I tell you details?) After… whatever happened, I went to the Internet and Googled it. (BIG mistake!) While finding search results for “is masturbation a sin”, some said it wasn’t a sin, some said it is. Oy, the headache! After this, I went to God for help. After I realized and asked forgiveness (and expected my guilt to run off), I came over this interesting passage on my uncle's Quest Bible:


It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, NIV)


These are part of the first 12 verses of the chapter. Not to twist some verses, but I just wanted to point out a part of what I found. God called us for holiness, but her am I talking about something… er… maybe not that holy! But it doesn’t stop there!

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (1 Thessalonians 4:24, NIV)

How great is our God! He knew that even while saved, we would never reach that aspect of holiness God requires. Though this is disputed, I in fact believe that holiness is ever-changing, ever-onward. God wants holiness, yes, but He does a perfect job in shaping us up for that day. I know that we will still sin and fall (as per the example), but God knows what’s up. His words are dynamic, and He will rightly help us with the aid of the Spirit in our way.
I remember when one my cousin-uncle told me when I asked about this a few months ago: “Sooner or later, you won’t need it anymore.” (He speaks English; at least, with slight variation, this is what I can remember.) And this I wait.

This, my friends, is our God: The One who calls us… for all!
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Have you ever faced a personal dilemma?, and you have to run to God for an answer?

I...Love...You!

I’ve read from my uncle’s Quest Bible that the Bible is a love story. More than a novel, it is the most interesting story mankind has seen. God, knowing how people were afar from his love, sent His only Son, and He decided to put all the world’s sins upon Him. From the beginning of the Earth, God has aptly put a mark on the history, and nothing happens without His will in touch. This is love. Pure love.

He has also considered not only forgiving our sins and throwing us as the east is from the west, but He also restored us fellowship for His throne. We are not worthy of saying, “I love You, Lord”, not one bit. But He overlooked us, and decided to spare us from the incoming wrath. “I love You” is the only thing we can say.

All this week, I’ve focused on human weakness and the overcoming love of God. More than what I expected, love is never left out from our weaknesses. There is one thing that I have considered: did I said “I love You” to God lately? This part makes me confused. Again, internet hasn’t resolved much in searching how exactly do we love God, if there are any requirements. One article that I remember put up that loving God is keeping His commandments. It’s not pointless, in fact, it’s true; however, this also strains me to guilt, for the fact that I need to keep doing His commandments to show that I love Him. Also, my mind is not helping. “I love You” can become an “I hate You”! This is becoming annoying!

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:9, NIV)

Thus, I overshadowed saying a simple three-letter phrase, because I needed to say it from the heart so that it could count. Until today in the wee hours of the night. After we watched Muriel’s Wedding (great movie!), we watched a bit of the Golden Girls (great show!), but I was feeling sleepy since 10. I decided to go to bed, but my sister woke me up with a prank of hers. Although I felt distressed, I pulled up and moved to my uncle’s bed (my sister sleeps in there, he’s still in the hospital) with my new favorite white sheet. Before falling asleep like a rock, this pondering thought made my mind somehow. Was I cold to His love, just because I was intimidated to say “I love You”?

(Until recently, it’s rare for me to write long posts.) I woke up this morning, and this thought of three simple words is still hovering over the brain. Is God really working out my fear for loving without being self-conscious? I think. With three simple words… “I…Love…You…” I repeated some short, uncountable times. Though God wants more than sacrifices, He wants us to see the bounty of love he has for us.

I guess I should put these words up in my “Mamu-vernacular!” I love You, Lord, and I shout it to the Heavens!

The Boot

I am absolutely appalled.

Right now, I just heard from news and Radio that 17,000 Puerto Rican Government employers will be fired… SOON! As I’m writing, a general protest is ongoing in San Juan, the capital. This is a shock to me. What are the chances of Puerto Rico sinking deeper and deeper into an economic downturn? What’s next? No one knows who’s getting fired!

This also made me think about what would’ve happened if we stayed in Puerto Rico, if all these months of anxious waiting wouldn’t run. My dad’s not unemployed; he took an unpaid yearly leave from Hacienda. What would’ve happened if we stayed? Would he be fired? It’s a big stake in my heart, a big worry for my compatriots. This is not a joke: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, grandfathers, workers, janitors… This is a big overhaul for Puerto Rico. Is this what’s happening: is the Island of Enchantment disintegrating to my very eye?

How am I here, gorging a pizza and cheesecake, while many people back there are crying and striking to their very lungs? Is it a huge trick-of-fate that God’s playing with us? I can imagine the despair many feel at these moments. It’s a huge disappointment.

By no means have I pretended to use this as an excuse to display “superiority” or laugh out at their misery. It is also affecting for me, a fellow compatriot. But I still ponder: Did God let us escape? What will happen in Puerto Rico? Will God’s grace cover us all? Yes, I do believe. In the midst of all chaos and craziness, God can use this as means of fixing our eyes at Him, and realizing that He is the only thing that floats around our lives.

If the LORD had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away. (Psalm 88:2-5,NIV)

I. Need. Blood.

It is near 6:00 PM. I’m here writing as always, skimming on my brain, trying what can I present to you. There is still a realization I have to let sink in: in less than 24 hours, I have obviously transgressed all the Commandments God intended in Exodus. I have idolized, I have coveted; I haven’t sanctified the day of rest (what is it, then?), lusted, coveted, killed, and more. I need death; this I unfortunately deserve. I need blood, I need blood… (And I’m not a vampire!)

But only the high priest entered the inner room, and that only once a year, and never without blood, which he offered for himself and for the sins the people had committed in ignorance. The Holy Spirit was showing by this that the way into the Most Holy Place had not yet been disclosed as long as the first tabernacle was still standing. This is an illustration for the present time, indicating that the gifts and sacrifices being offered were not able to clear the conscience of the worshiper. (Hebrews 9:7-9, NIV)

I present to you… atonement. What sacrifices couldn’t do (they were important, but did not clear consciences), Christ did it… with a price. How more could the view of law would be the shadow of what it is to come?

In the Old Testament, sacrifices are common ways for penitence and worship. The Bible registers exorbitant amounts of blood from rams, bulls, calves and goats and lambs. This meant that sin is death, and the only way one could be forgiven and freed from sin is by blood of an innocent. It became a perpetual reminder for Israel –for us, too- that we deserved to die: the animal took our place.

However perfect this presented, it couldn’t clear the conscience of those penitent. It became, though, that the reminder of the inability of self-purity would be carried. Until Christ came. In John 19:34, “Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus' side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.” Water for purity, blood for atonement.

This blood became the substance for the world’s redemption by Christ. What sacrifices couldn’t do, Jesus fulfilled it. Our ransom was paid by the Savior, Redeemer and Liberator. It prompts me to return: I need blood. And where do I find that blood? On the feet of the cross, where our weakness was sealed.

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. (Hebrews 2:9, NIV)

There's Something More Than Humilliation...

(Since we are in Weakness Week, it is imperative that I adress the famous self-rant. Sometimes, I feel to write over and over again. Those who are older know about this rant, when I wrote it back in July 24. Why do I decide to rerun such horrible post with that assumption of myself? I will tell you why soon...)

...that can make me feel like crap. (Yeah! I said it!)

I'm sick and tired of being insulted and me not saying anything. I'm tired of Googling "why people can't (insert)" on there. I'm tired of questioning to God WHY I HAVE THE FLAW OF NOT DEFENDING MYSELF FROM EVEN MY OWN FAMILY! I don't know if I'm weak or just a plain idiot, then why I like to be humiliated, bashed, verbally beaten, and a plain masochist? This ain't Mamut talking, I'm totally OOC here. No Mamut is talking the pain; I'm the Joe that has feelings and that has dignity unknown.

Why I can't rebound from my own problems? Why do I have to linger pain and guilt of my inability to cope with such things, and then hear my mother's anger? How much do I have to pray, fast, and read the Bible to get an answer? How much do I have to handle before exploding like an idiot? How much can I go before bashing myself in front of everybody in Cyberspace!!??

Writing is not helping, not one bit. It hurts that someone says to me an "idiot", where I can't find peace, where I'm hit in my jugular. Where I fell wounded, hurt, torturing... myself.

Lord, help me realize my weakness. I'm being too earnest, but please break me where I need to bre broken. Strenghten me where I need to be strong. Make me rise in my weakness and start over, not to question Your paths, but to be glorified in me. Where I can go, covewr where I fail. Remove all guilt from me, and all my brokeness. Forgive me for not beaing at ease with the things taht happen to me. I ask for Your wisdom, where Your power is made known where I feel hurt, broken, and confused. In Your name I pray, according to Your will... AMEN.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (1 Corinthians 12:10)

He Is Lord!

Yesterday, I talked about how the cross not only defines who we are, or what we are, but what we aren’t or can’t do: give our lives for all humankind. That was in Jesus’ job. Today, it is different: He is Lord!

"Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. (Matthew 28:5-6, NIV)

Picture this: a heavy tomb sealed shut and reopened, two surprised women, angels (or not?) and Jesus is not there. If you look at the next verse, you will see a risen Jesus:

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. (John 19:19-20, NIV)

I followed certain continuity: if I didn’t talk about the crucifixion in our lives, how would I talk about Jesus being risen from it? More than that, did he actually rise?

Crucifixion was brutal! He was scourged before the actual process. He carried a cross, were flagellated, hands and feet nailed, and the chest speared, with near-broken legs, a crown of thorns, fighting with asphyxia, and being scorned by His own people. He also dealt with the weight of what happens to all of us: temporary separation from God, while He weighed the sins of the world. And in less than three days, that Temple was raised!!?? Was it a hoax, was it just a sham, or was it real? Or did Jesus really never die, and somebody die for Him and all? Was the Jesus presented an illusion or the real deal?

The fact that a human can live again is perplexing for most. How come people think He is not alive! (According to Leader University: )
The seal was broken.
The tomb was open.
The soldiers went AWOL.
The stone was moved.
The graveclothers tell a tale.
His appearances during 40 days are confirmed by Scripture.
Over 500 witnesses saw Jesus face to face. They saw His wounds, His hurt, His pain, His happiness, His promise that He would be with them forever.
Most of all, their lives were changed by the truth of the rebirth. Soon, it’s our turn!

What do you think, Commonwealth: Did Jesus did resurrect?

Mamut Takes On: The Mad Dash of Lost Hope!

The Cross!

“It’s over. The cross didn’t work.”

What? !Señor reprenda! Who am I to abhor (or my mind to incline to) the work of the cross in my life? How come Jesus died in vain, if he didn’t? Why am I located in the point of no return, where the work of the Lord is finished, soon to be revealed?

It all came early today, when I reached to school. I woke up at 6:30, pretty rare for me now. When I had to reach the bus in 25 minutes, it became a mad dash! Bathing, dressing, perfuming, shampooing, picking up books, all in all, I reached it with seven minutes to spare.

In school, I had to dash to my Office Tech class, and took the wrong book. This also made me dash to my Art class, and in the journey, this musing came to mind. Somewhat murky, gory, and ugly, my mind was convinced that the cross didn’t work. Though I successfully reached both dashes, I still couldn’t finish the work.

Worse: in the road to the bus, I got scolded for buying a Welch’s pack of gummies (which are delicious!) and it made me get a pack of guilt (you know the drill). This mostly improved my convictions that the cross didn’t work.

Who am I to backslide (or at least try to) in the work the Lord has done? Why this thought ran so smoothly in my head all day? Is it the devil trying to trick me? No, he isn’t. If Satan tried, God would warn me in any way. Is it my crazy, perverted, unknowable mind? Yes, my self-righteous persona tried to supersede what the cross has done in my life.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so
far from the words of my groaning? (Psalm 22:1, NIV)

Jesus did this back on the cross, hanging Himself for all mankind. If He didn’t do this, would we bear ourselves in the bare minimum? What about the dash on the cross? What about the long road Jesus went through while carrying what we couldn’t (and can’t and don’t) do… successfully. He not only carried our sins, but our weaknesses and iniquities, our doubts and our pride, our poor holiness and our law. He also carried billions on people on that mad dash. He didn’t run; He paced Himself, bit by bit.

And I guess it’s our time to run that mad dash to the cross! Then by faith, I’ll kick out the “cross didn’t work” charade outta here!

The Midnight Ramble!

“Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.”(Joel 2:23, NIV)

I have bumped to this quote right now on the Internet. I’m tired, I have had a long day. Beyond my failures, my freedoms, my discords, and my indecisions, it’s beautiful that God still has time for letting me pace and slow down (even though I don’t want to!). There are also times that I have to speed up, but He helps me too.

As I’ve told you, I’m having problems with the longevity of prayer. And I’m also struggling with many other things. Even in writing and a little bit of a crazy idea my sister has! It also makes me happy to share with you guys a bit of my life, and I hope you can do, too. Beyond that, God amazingly pleases when I at least recognize Him, even though those moments are brief. (Sorry for the repetition!)

How much do we struggle with life? I struggle with finding a church, classes and now with my uncle’s chemo plan. A lot of trials have come ahead, and God had this walk prepared for us. So the adventure is just beginning. It’s weird, but cool and thrilling!

Though I am amazed that Jesus is more than all for me, it’s also surreal that there are many things I can’t give up. Not one bit. Willing, but… ech… just… And He still carries me in His arms, as imperfect as I am. He does that with you, too, even in the darkest moments.

So, this is my midnight ramble. Though I’m hitting the hay soon, there’s just so much more to see! So many things to do, so little time! And yet, God is there. Waiting, patiently.

Don’t know if I’m going to church, or at least try. (God, help me…) Heading off to sleep.

Dios los bendiga.