Advent: Kingdom Come

Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you! As when fire sets twigs ablaze and causes water to boil, come down to make your name known to your enemies  and cause the nations to quake before you! –Isaiah 64:1,2, NIV 2010

(OOC, this is the second time I write about a parousia.)

We’re used to seeing the broken, sinful, disobedient Israel, longing for someone to relieve them from their Calvary.  We’re already accustomed to take an example of a nation of complainers, idolaters, and imbecilic events –and still, they were the Chosen People of God.

Right now, it is the Israel that longs for the Annointed One-a Messiah that will rescue them from shame and torture.  They wanted Someone who could take them out of their lukewarm step, back to the ancient paths, and onwards to the Heavenly Canaan.  How much did they want a Redeemer to save their nation from destruction!  And what a surprise did they receive-a few centuries later!

But for now, life is like the labeled “Party of the Year!”  Give or take a few, you really want to go to that party –but you know your parents wouldn’t allow it.  Either you reclaim your position as a teenager or you sneak out through the window to hitch a ride with friends.  And there you are, fifteen minutes later, frolicking through the party like a happy man (or woman!)

An hour later, though, something’s wrong: it’s too out of control for you!  When things grow tackier and the booze is piling up, THEN you decide to call papi and say he was right (and surely get your punishment!)  And yet, something else happens: you decide to FINALLY obey your parents and not do it again.  This melts your father’s heart so dearly, he decides not to punish you.

A detail is left, though: your father will pick you up, but you have to wait a bit outside in the snow…and then some.

What the Jews expected was Someone who would give them back what was rightfully theirs.  (He did-spiritually.)  What the Jews didn’t expect was that the Savior would come –not as the hot-shot tenant that would drive everyone away, but like the Humble Lamb that would rescue the nations.

One of the Lepers

I failed.  Miserably.

Truth is, I’m not in the mood for a special “I-thank-Thee-for-Thy-harvest” Thanksgiving post.  Honest: I just arrived from church, and the pang of guilt is driving me crazy.  On Thanksgiving, you say!?!?  One of the worst days to have any bad feelings!?!? *Sighs*, allow me to explain…

I feel like one of the lepers.  Those ten men afflicted with a damning skin disease; the affront of God’s holiness, shunned and trialed for the sorrows.  They would be separated from the rest of the world, waiting up and living off what it was brought to them.  They were ostracized, broken out, and they became the “untouchables”.

That is, until Jesus came.  And what did He do?  They called, He answered, simple as that!  And they left with their skin softer than a baby bottom.  However, something happened…

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. –Luke 17:15 & 16, NIV 2010

If all of them were healed, how can ONE man run back to Jesus and fall at His feet?  What was the rest thinking, missing the chance of a lifetime!?!?  Also, that same man was a Samaritan –a half-Jew (and Jews and Samaritans hated each other).  Since that event happened near the border of Samaria and Galilee, that would be the logical place for him.  It was no coincidence: it had to happen.

And yet, what surprised me is that I can’t conceive the man running a half-a-mile dash in the rain in order to worship Jesus.  While the rest of them were walking home, he decided to ditch it and thank Him for what He dutifully owes.

Again, my amados, I failed…Miserably.  (The pang of guilt appears as a response to a hard-to-swallow message God gave through a preaching, a call of distinct holiness.)  I let my old-man carry my body, and the more I prayed, the more I fell.  (You know what I mean…And I don’t want to talk about it.)  I made myself a leper…and I need to call and be cleansed…And run back and give my life again.

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!Que pases un Felíz Día de Acción de Gracias!
¡Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

He didn't care: he came back...

Closer to God: Mighty Hands

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:6,7, NIV

God, I have a problem.  A FEW problems.

Sometimes I act cocky.  Other times I think I know it all.  Even other times I fail to uphold Your presence with the reverence  –yet the freedom it so righteously deserves.   Still, I feel that I’m not the same person as I used to be: something seems to draw me instant…  Ech, it’s like a balancing act –I hope I get to do the right thing at the end!

Many people say I worry too much.  But there are things of greater importance I must carry.  The world doesn’t need to understand the things I feel…And yet, here am I, opening up about it.

For whoever cares to read these musings, bless them, Lord.  At least, please let them know that You care for ‘em, and that I do my hardest to be the best writer I could possibly be-but the fire’s diminishing.  I can’t do nothing more if You withdraw whatever You have from me.  I can’t live this way…

Make me willing to fall under Your hand, so You cover me with grace.

Please, Lord, take my cares, ‘cause I don’t want to see You cry no more.

Because that is the only thing that will make me closer to You.

Closer to God: Real'n'Bake

…And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.-Hebrews 10:22, NIV

As you know, I haven’t been the BEST Christian at this time, (nor do I expect that to happen for a while).  I’ve been failing on many things, including some “moments of weakness” I’ve suffered and my rock-star dilemmas.  Aye, who on this sphere is going to understand my complicated heart!?!?

Well, I know Someone who does!  But I can’t see Him! –Well, maybe I don’t have to, yet.  These are the moments He wants me to draw nearer and take my loads off...Honestly, this hurts.  Well, telling God what hurts me HURTS!?!?  Where did I heard THAT FROM!?!?  Ack, this is a bit more complicated than I expected it to be.  Telling Him my wants and desires is one thing, but to tell Him what wounds me (or I think wounds me)… That’s another story.

Coupled with the fact that I don’t want to be a two-faced jerk (which only hurts me even more), there is no other choice but to let go of my barriers and let God work it out from there.  (Boy, this is making me feel a *grr* in my stomach as I’m writing this.)  Being true to Him is the first start of being true to the world, trying to reach closer to God not on our strength, but on His.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense to you at this moment.  I’m not expecting you to, not by a long shot.  I don’t even know what’s ailing you –if it is something you want to hide, or a pain that’s eating you up, or a pseudo-stupid fear of letting church people know you love rock music-,but I guess it’s time to ‘fess up and be real to God, the world, and ourselves.

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,
José E.

Closer to God: In Purity

How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. –Psalm 119:9, NIV

(FYI, I’m technically a few days late for this post.  But better late than never…)

Well, purity.  One of the requisitos that show to God and the world that you are, in fact, a new creature from a new nation.  Hand-on-hand with holiness, it is the reason why we grow deeper in this love –and why many choose not to go for Him.

Err, I wish it were more simple.

Purity is not necessarily a promise made manifest on a fantasy silver ring.  (I don’t need one, thank you –not for now.)  Nor is it to take it all away AND make-up, AND pantallas, AND jeans AND have a Bible under your soba…axilas to show the world you’ve changed.  And of course, how can’t we talk about purity without going through the “little black book” of prohibitions: No movies, malls, baseball parks, basketball courts, beaches, TV shows, as such.  And in NO WAY, NO WAY, purity is only about sex.

(Please, my people, let’s get our minds out of the gutter.)

Purity means taking away our sin, and drawing nearer to God, the Source of all purity and the source of all freedom.  For what He gives, He takes, and He makes it new again.  Sins confessed, and beings edified, hearts full of promise are exalted by God’s Spirit.  He and only He can have the chance of renewing and purifying with hyssop and making someone anew.

…And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.-Hebrews 10:22, NIV

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,
José E.

Above That

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. –Romans 5:20 & 21, NIV 2010-11

It’s not so hard to learn that our way to Heaven is paved with Hell.

I have spoken about the inefficacy of the five-o’-clock news in Puerto Rico, which is always highlighting the terrors of life and the glorified tears of aching mothers. You would see someone on a corner or a TV screen debating about something they haven’t even experienced of in the first place, and they would showcase their anger should they be in that position.  And please, don’t get me started with the long faces of external bitterness!

If we did this, if we did that… Ack, it can be so underrated.  Because, it is.

Law came in as a reminder of how horrible we were before God (conscience, anyone?).  We now see the dirty plates in our kitchen, and we recognize that they’re dirty.  And we now see that we’re as dirty as we are, and the world above us has become nasty!  (Need I say it anymore?)

There’s something above that, though.  Just a faint glimmer? Eh, nope.  It’s even more than what we thought.  Above all that pain and suffering, and guilt and heartache…There’s a little gift called grace. 

And I am not condoning those actions.  Above the heads of the world lays a judgment that will lay down on the Day the Lord breaks the seals.  Even above that is an aura of grace, the only thing that gives us breath of spirit.  It’s not much, you say?  Have you heard that a little goes a long way?

Even above the groans of His creation, longing for something more, his grace is over and under and into our souls.  If we could see it…

And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.-Matthew 16:18 & 19, NIV 2010

Closer to God: Speaking of the Devil

But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, "The Lord rebuke you!" –Jude 9, NIV

Y’know the awkward part of getting closer to God?

We have to get rid of ourselves and of everything we know.  Yes, even of those little things we love that tickles our fancy, but what has to be done has to be done.  (This goes for me too, I’m the one writing this.)  And getting rid of ourselves is way worse than fighting with the Devil, the Enemy…Satan.

Okay, talking about Satan is awkward-totally awkward.  But sooner or later, we have to understand that resisting him doesn’t come from our own strengths.  We don’t fight against flesh nor blood, so it’s pointless to wage war against things that we see, like friends, family, enemies, (and that one person on your class that you really want to wring his/her neck on your hands because of…Never mind…)

We fight against the things unseen, those pleasures that can cost us our lives and drag us to Hell.  We fight against the currents of this world, striving to be renewed in all ways, shapes, or forms.  We have a shield, a God-given shield that protects us in our minds, our hands, our feet, our shield and our heart.  We know what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s right over wrong.

Unfortunately, I find it sorta hard to stop rebuking everything.  The enemy has been defeated, and I listen to these daemon-beatdowns that aren’t even to be taken in place.  Yes, we have to fear that our souls aren’t taken to where they shouldn’t be, but isn’t it obvious that we’re free?  God gaves us self control –Lord, please give me the strengths to resist the Temptor and win this battle for Your glory.

“Resist the devil, and he will flee from you”, says the second part of James 4:7. More than self-explanatory, this will bring us closer to God.

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God willing, I’ll be working out a few things, y’know –trying to make the blog more dynamic.  Even if I bother to write a post once a week or so, I still care about this blessing that God gave me.

Oh,  next Monday is all about forgiveness and purity.  Let’s see how that works out…

Now that it’s Halloween, I guess it would be appropriate if I would write something about it sometime over the week-Sunday, maybe.  I don’t know, maybe I’ll plan something…

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,
José E.

Closer to God: I Surrender

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last. –Luke 23:46, NIV

Whad’dya think?  A picture/silhouette of someone on a beach raising his hands, a silhouetted man on a prairie raising his hands, a picture of God raising His hand to reach out someone else’s hand…

Oye, surrender is more than raising hands.  Or at least declaring to raise them.

Aye, it’s one of the most (nominally) tough and awkward things to write about.  It involves experience to declare with one’s lips (or computer screens, whichever comes first) who will we serve.  As for this house, I know I serve the Lord-but for my tutela, they will serve the Lord soon…(but that’s for another day).

Sometimes, I think that surrender is saying, “God, do whatever You want with me…Do what You please”, and switch to listen Christian music all day long.  (Could be, could be…)  So little do I understand God if I go this way, because that’s the surrender we mostly see on YouTube and Tangle and GodTube videos.  I mean, anyone can utter those words like the next guy, but God really wants them to be made heard in our LIVES.

What Jesus said on the cross (I feel like I’m singing a worship song) was true.  Even when He was agonizing over His people, even when He was getting lashed and flagellated and booed by His own, even that…that didn’t stop His love from overflowing.  Acho, that just made Him eager to die for us!  That made Him eager to present Himself to the father as the Ultimate Surrender –the Ultimate of Ultimates- that this world has ever had!  He never wanted to intrude our hearts, but to let Him intrude our hearts!

And to utter those words in Spirit and Truth are so powerful.  We’re not the rulers of our own lives, nor are we the rulers of this world –even though God called us to take care of it.

There is a generation who loves God, a generation who craves for more.  So let us say, “Father, make me willing to give You our everything, what we love and don’t love, what You want and don’t want, EVERYTHING… like You did.”  And that will make us closer to God.

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Next week, it’s about resisting the Devil.  Can I get palero on this one? :P (joke)

For now, I have to deal with some work, yet I hope this refreshes your hearts.  And leave me be, struggling with my internet.

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,
José E.


My World in Your Hands

Who has followed avidly the Chilean miners’ rescue? 

The world was watching the miners reach the surface for the first time in two months.  Goggles on their eyes on a tiny capsule, their embrace with their families seemed eternal…until they had to go to the hospital.  Pneumonia, dirt, and bath teeth aside, they were in great shape.  (Yes, even the one with two chicas, yeah, him too…)  Only God can do that –and what surprised me was seeing this quote on the back of their t-shirts…

In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. –Psalm 95:4, NIV

Well, it’s not the exact translation as I saw at the The Guardian website, but you get the idea. 

His hand held those thirty-three miners. 

His hand held the rescuers.

His hand held the families.

His hand held the copper mines around Copiapó, Chile, and the rest of the Earth.

What didn’t God hold?  What is not of His belonging?

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Nothing like a little R&R to get your spirits raised up.

On another hand, I’ll suffer the gauntlet of the Puerto Rican College Board tomorrow.  The fact that worries me is not me sitting on the same chair for seven to eight hours; it’s the reason that the closes thing to have a quick bite is a BURGER KING!!!!!!!  Otherwise, I pray –and I know by His name- that I’ll do great.  I am no newcomer at this, though –I’ve taken the SAT twice back in Maryland.  However, what are the odds of a major desorden on my test center in Fajardo?

Closer to God

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. –James 4:7-10, NIV

Yesterday I was at a church retreat, and one of the brothers spoke about this.  Basically, he talked about the practicality of the Book of James, with the focus on five things that make us closer to God:

1. Obedience and Submission to God
2. Resistance to the Enemy
3. Purity
4. Sincerity
5. Humbleness

These five things are the ones that will make us reach greater heights and bigger blessings.  For a few weeks, I’ll devote five Mondays to explore each topic, and do my best to lose myself –and you, too- in His glory.

Next Monday, I’ll talk about Obedience and Submission- Surrender, which is a really hard one!

Hope everyone has a great Monday and a jump-start to the week!

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,

José E.

Something More

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." –John 13:7, NIV

Let us fast-forward a bit into the Gospel of John.

Jesus is doing something unorthodox; someone named the Messiah shouldn’t even bother to do: wash His disciples’ feet.  (Can you believe what the disciples were thinking!?)  Even so, they let Jesus serve a lesson to His followers. 

But for now, let’s focus on Peter, ‘cause he had something interesting to say.

He actually asks God why will he wash his feet.  Looks like the same thing John the Baptist said to Jesus when he was going to baptize the Savior –“I need to be baptized by You, and do You come to me?” (Matthew 3:13)  Sounds odd, because the Savior of the World –who doesn’t need ANY help of ANY kind- is asking someone HUMAN to do something for the Divine!?!?

Who would understand? Was the world going upside down?

Jesus, with all His peace and tranquility and humble heart, says to the impulsive peter: “You will not realize now what I am doing,  but later you will understand.”

In Spanish, I have this bit on my cellphone.  Because I don’t understand many things going on.

One thing is clear, though: God’s timing is not our timing, yet what God does is everlasting.  That we know what we will do, that’s one thing, but what God will do…we may have to wait a bit to look for His favor.

Maybe Job didn’t need God to answer why was he suffering –he wanted to listen to His voice.

Maybe Asaf didn’t need to learn that God will actually show vindication.

Maybe Peter didn’t need to doubt that God brings all nations together.

Or Jonah would’ve followed God’s plan to the T.

And Peter again, maybe he should’ve trusted God from the get-go. 

There’s something more in You
That I cannot understand
Something more in the veil, in the dark
In the open for me
Cover me from favors and mercies
Because I depend from Thee
There’s something, oh, there’s something
There’s something more in You          



My Hope and My Defense

I will defend this city and save it, for my sake and for the sake of David my servant. -2 Kings 19:34, NIV

I am definitely upset right now.

When I heard about the FBI police arrests in Puerto Rico, I felt disappointed.  Being back in home country, how can men and women who are supposed to help us and our children to live safer lives are tracketeando behind our backs?  Unfortunately, those are the same men and women who believe they’re invincible, that they can oh, so fool the people.  They can line their money with pockets and bleak allegiances all they want…

But pride lasts for only a season.  (And I refuse to make political statements.)

And yet, Someone greater than us says, “ I will defend you…because I love you.”  For who?

His glory.  Who couldn’t be better than God (don’t even try it) to showcase His everlasting power to the world?  God will save His own city, His own people, so they could know He is near.

For love of David.  God will always fulfill His promises with His people.  Many things that happened on that time were averted OR mitigated because of David (we’ll talk about that later).  Why?  From him, the Savior would come and restore Israel –and the world.

Yes, I may still have to run into the councils of human police when necessary, but for now, God is my hope and my defense.  He is never corrupt, He will never go corrupt, He will always help me along the way.

Someone Else

Everyone wants to be someone else.

Man hardly ingrains change.  Peacefully or violently, we will resist the calling to be transformed or renewed in any matter.  Our blood pours out opposition to ways higher than ours.  Yet deep inside, a part of us, deep inside of us, wants for new blood, new oxygen, and a new thought.  It breathes for something new; it craves anxiously for a clearer revelation.

Change does only not begin when we crave something new: it starts on a greater longing.

I don’t know, God will NEVER take away the essence of our being, for it’s too precious to lose that!  But He does modify our character to conform it to a Higher will.  The problem, though, is not on looking to change: it’s when we don’t choose to be ourselves for some ill-conceived image of faint purpose.  Well then, what is the point of trying to be something I’m not!?

Am I irresponsible? No, but I do need to work on being pendiente of my surroundings.

Am I nice?  Yes, but this doesn’t mean that I should become a living melcocha and let people step on me.

Can I take decisions easily? Nope, not even if I had a cheesecake or a chocolate cake in front of me.  (Guess I don’t want to lie…)

Should I stop writing? Oh, hell, no!  But I can’t obsess over putting every detail to bed if it won’t turn to a blessing for my life and others.

Transformation takes more than willingness; it takes balance, truth and action to discover what will we turn out to be in life-what we want to be, what we hope to be, what we’d love to be.

For we know, we know we will do great things –although we are great as we are right now-, but don’t worry if we can’t see things overnight.  (This goes for me, too.) 

Off to work out on my change.

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your cristino preferido,

José E.

As Long As Today Stands

(I wrote this post on January 21, 2010.  I was back in America, inspired on Skillet's "One Day Too Late and on certain things in life.")

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. (Hebrews 3:12, 13, NIV)

Today is a day where we have stuff to do. God gave us 24 hours to spend (or waste!) wisely, but we like to chew a little bit more, huh? (I know the feeling.) Plans may not work, reasoning may fail, but God will still find a little empty niche in the deep of our hearts to say, “It is still Today, My love”. I have never realized the power of Today…

As long as this earth keeps running, there is still a chance to know His heart. Even with the entire hoopla going around the world, our future, our schools, our churches, and in our lives, Today means the value of Jesus knocking and saying, “I am still here.” There is still a spirit groaning in us that pays attention to the will of the Father, at least convincing us of opening our eyes, even though we are not willing… This is Today, where God can fill the empty hearts and He can raise the dead again.

Today… is hard to say. Fear will still evade us, and we are to do good ALWAYS! What will it be if our light is dimmed by will? What would Jesus do? When will His return come by and pass? Expectation, anger, anxiety, fear, hope, and love just mix together at the grasp of a moment… And God is still there!

As long as there is a Today, be it this second, this hour, this day or whenever, we know that by grace we will still make the best of it in our lives. (Why did the Lord made us a sense of humor?) Regrettably, the night will end, the day will soon shine with justice. Let us hope that our lives are not hardened, and that His Spirit resounds brightly over us.

Sweep Throughout This Place

And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit.” –John 20: 22

What were they thinking!?!?  Was it inconceivable?  The same Savior they saw agonizing in the Garden, the One who saw lashed and flagellums from His own verdugos, the same One they left to save their behinds…The same Jesus who died on the tree…is…Alive!?!?

The whole point of the Book is to let people realize the witness of the Christ.  The same witness, of which the apostles saw the Living God face to face, risen, transformed, and glorified, who was giving them breath of life.

In the beginning, wasn’t God the One who gave breath of life?  His own nature became canvas of man, the most important piece of the created Earth.  Even if we failed to rise above our first trial, God kept breathing hope through His people –and then, to the whole world.

The same wind that flies above our heads is the one that Jesus –the Ultimate Respite- gave to the apostles to empower them on their days.

We can’t breathe without oxygen –pure, clean, crisp, and fresh.  Likewise, we can’t live without the Counselor in us.  Can we make it through without His glory touching us through the hardest of our lives?

Love finally completed its course…Love finally breathed through its pores. 

Wherever It Pleases

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. –John 3:8

What was He thinking!?!? Has He gone mad!?!?

Do we have to go to our mother’s womb again!?!?  Nicodemus was startled, dumbfounded, confused.  Was he scratching his head?  Maybe the lateness of the night was catching up to his finite mind.  Jesus, of course, was explaining the seemingly unexplainable.
We feel the wind caress our face.  It can be measured, but you can’t catch it on your own hands.  As a gas, it occupies space, but it’s never defined on its own.  While it cools down our bodies, it also gives oxygen- albeit is poisonous.  It catches the odors around it and takes it to where it wants to be taken.

We can’t explain the wind.  As Nicodemus couldn’t understand the imagery.

A HOLY Spirit is flowing through us.  Not IMPURE, neither FAKE, nor HOKEY, it is a HOLY Spirit.  Those who are born again from a Spirit are also born to go where God wants them to go.  We can’t see God, yet we KNOW He is guiding us, for real.  Those born from the Counselor look to be perfected each day, renewed and revived.

And yet…We let the wind to stop blowing.  It ceases to respite for us, as we let things to stop breathing.  The wind is willing to do anything, if and only if we are willing to do everything too.  Doesn’t the Spirit look like that, also?  We grieve it, even if we don’t want to grieve it.  We let the Devil take a foothold out of our weakness…

But that’s what God does…He lets us breathe again…    

Wind and Flame

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' –Ezekiel 37:9, NIV

…But it wouldn’t last.

The Garden was too much for man to live in it.  They were naked, ashamed, hidden, and impure.  They couldn’t belong to such holy place.  Man was kicked out, out from the garden, deprived to touch the tree of life.  Angels guarded the place; they couldn’t risk damned creation to haughtily rise up to life.

Not yet, not yet…

God was still there, teaching a people He chose by no merit necessary.  Wind followed their steps, wind touched them.  The desert blew them away; the Promised Land flowed with milk and honey.  The people of the Promise were waiting for their vindication, but it seemed that God was too far to reach.  Nonsense –it was the beginning of a whole new day of sunshine.

Israel was dead-spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, dead.  They could barely worship God, they could barely live a peaceful life.  The pressures from their own horses barred them from a joy exceeding any other joy.  God was there, watching every move, every action, every thought.  Was He waiting for them to react?  Yep, but who would make the first move?

And there was Ezekiel lying with his own doubts of what God would do to the whole house of Israel.  Wind was the only thing that needed.

His wind created tendons.

His wind created flesh and skin.

His wind created a new contrite heart.

His wind emboldened a broken house.

His wind gave hope to the whole house of Israel.

His wind gave way to a new revival.

Isn’t he doing the same thing to this nation?  I believe it so.

The Dust

The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. –Genesis 2:7

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, a lot, I mean.  But how can He make beautiful things out of the dust?  How can He make rain fall where it never falls?  Or snow where it never snows?

Sometimes, it’s hard to understand how in the world we ended up breathing.  Dust is dust, it dances with the wind; tell me, if you can catch it, you get a prize!  We get the soles of our feet caught up with it, we let our bodies fall dirty to it, yet He gave us breath of life with it…

He picked a big, round circle on a red patch of the earth for our face.   A little stick for our bodies.  A few stick for our hands and arms.  A big line for our feet.

THEN he decided to give us features.  Twigs for faces, holes for dimples and freckles, curves for our bodies, even rocks for espinitas!
He uses the colors of the flowers to paint our eyes.

He picks the finest grass blades for our finest features.

He picks a bit of water from the pond to erase those fissures that don’t look appeasing.

He lets the sun dry us in immaculate perfection.

But then…He lets fire burn us, well, only where we need to be burnt.  Makes it crispy for more flavor.

And then…he…blows life onto the sculpture.

A man appears, looking at his naked body.  He looks face to face to the One who created him.  He sees his hands, his arms, his chest, his torso, his legs, his pelvis, his…todo.  The Creator smiles because He did the right thing.

They walk together, hand in hand, marveling the beauty of the garden.

That’s how this life started, and that’s how it will end…sooner than we think will end…

Attempt #5...CINCO!

Attempt #5!

How I’m glad to return to my element!

Right now, I’m writing back in sunny Puerto Rico, my real home.  I’m in 12th Grade- Cuarto Año, Senior Year Yedaix (that’s our class name, please don’t laugh and/or scoff).  For now, I’m back in my old church, and I still can’t get used to many things. My tastes have definitely become Americanized, and I’m with my family again, and I missed the eternal heat of the tropics, eighteen degrees below the Equator.  I don’t know, maybe I missed Puerto Rico even more than I thought…

I thank my Lord for these most awkward two years.  Those months that I felt hushed and broken, misled and confused…this is the fruit of His labor.  I know my thoughts haven’t reached exponential heights, but my writing is a work in progress.  (These things you never see coming, even if someone obviously requete-plans it…)

So I’m back to reality.  Am I happy with it?  Eh…can you please meet me halfway on that one?  After 329-ish days of American bliss, now I get to breathe hot air and bureaucratic idiosyncrasies.  We’re working a bit to hit the “Play” button again I so don’t wanna hit, but if God wants, it’s worth it.  For the next few months, I will challenge myself to write about things that mean to people.  Just challenge me to do it…please, I want to!

Writing these words, I feel in a fuzzy place right now.  (Sorry for the abhorrent nervousness.)  Standing in front of a wide-inch computer monitor brings me memories of all the emotions, blood, toil, sweat, and keys written for God’s glory-and of course, your enjoyment.

In other news, if you can, for a moment, for a brief moment, just think about…

IF you can sum-up your life in one word, what would it be, and why?  I want to know how you think, we’ll start from there.

Of course, any ideas, thoughts, comments, challenges, prayers, anything you need, please don’t hesitate to tell it.

Blessings from Puerto Rico, and your crisitino preferido,
Jose E.

It's Another Adventure!

Once and once again, I face the clock. The clock is ticking backwards, and the pendulum’s swinging again. It doesn’t look to bow in favors; left or right, no front or back. I wish I could control the motion! But the battery’s not there: it’s not where it’s supposed to be. What’s making that stupid clock move, anyway?

Has it taken a life of its own? I don’t think so; it looks to be the most plausible answer. But it’s moving, and nothing’s starting it NOR stopping it. I don’t understand how it’s working! I can’t doubt, but it’s no choice: God is behind this.

If I feel a final countdown incoming, it is now. (Cue Europe’s song! And those 80’s hard-rock fans, hehe!) Once again, I am amazed at how time passes by. It’s not how I want it, though; once and once again, it’s how God wants it to be. It’s how His mercy works: by unveiling Himself in the most awkward and unexpected of ways. It’s how love goes around: by revealing the truth of our ways, and nursing us back to health. It’s the adventure that we are naturally and humanly ill-fitted to take on: it hurts, it bleeds, it sucks at times. But oh, the end will be glorious! Ah, I have the façade of reluctance, but oh, the joy of hoping for something we can’t see! 

So I don’t know when will I wipe the dust off my sandals, but that will be soon. We know where we are headed, but not where we will end…like the wind, we seem to be. And like that clock that moves on its own, that is time –God’s time, in the adventure of our lives.

Going Away

(I will skip the sacrifices for a while.  This was long overdue.

In March, my friend Michelle was accepted to the prestigious Oberlin Conservatory, in Ohio.  God has blessed her with an unique talent of singing, and she really deserved to go there.  When I saw a BBQ/going away event on May for her –she wasn’t the only one with a party, though-, I decided to write this on Art 1, on a B-day.  I did my work though! 

I was eager to show it to her, yet she wouldn’t be in school on the last day of school for seniors.  I gave a copy to my friend Kelly, the first person I knew on High Point.  I don’t know if I had spares!  The plan was to show it and tag all the seniors I could tag -naively- for graduation, two weeks later...
But for certain events, I believe this is time to unveil it…)

Don’t know if I’ll see you here again
I just have no chance but to let my guard down
It seems you are headed to a bright start
Please remember to look your name at the sighting of the starts

You’re going away to a higher place
You’re leaving us to follow your dreams
Don’t worry about us, we’ll be okay
We’ll keep moving on our ways
You’re going away to a higher place
You’re leaving us to move this planet up
Don’t worry about me, I’m safe in this life
I’m filled with sorrow, it’ll turn to dance

I remember when I came to the land of the free
Thought that no one would’ve known my name
But God knows that I needed some support
You will leave, don’t’ worry, I’ll find some like minds

My heart is wounded (X3)
I’ll help you pack your bags
My heart is wounded (X3)
God bless you in this life

Worship Offerings

I’ll speak of two different –yet similar- sacrifices that were also given at the Temple: the grain offerings and the fellowship offerings.

Both grain and fellowship offerings were made for worship, devotion, the reminder of God’s provision and common sharing between the community.

When someone brings a grain offering to the LORD… (Leviticus 2:1a, NIV)

Grain offerings were simply cakes or wafers of grain mixed with oil, yeast-less and honey-less, presented unto the Temple as a worship offering. When it was presented, it was taken to the altar, where a piece was taken as a token of memorial for the Lord. The rest was for Aaron and his priests. (In some occasions, drink offerings would be accompaniments with burnt and fellowship offerings.)

As I stated earlier, there was NO YEAST NOR HONEY. (Sorry for the all-caps; they give an UMPH! for when I need it!) As they were perfect, this symbolized that they can’t be contaminated with sin in ANY place in their lives. As with honey, this meant identification with pagan culture. Honey couldn’t have been the sweet concoction resulting from pollination; rather, this could’ve been a drink used in nearby pagan rites.

It was to be SEASONED WITH SALT. As the salt of the covenant, we are the salt of the world, aren’t we? Salt gives a taste, and we are to season the world with Christ.

It didn’t matter HOW IT WAS COOKED. Grill it, bake it, fry it, crumble-it, there had to be cakes or wafers, memorial of God’s provision.

If someone's offering is a fellowship offering…(Leviticus 3:1a, NIV)

Fellowship offerings had a rather similar purpose; however, this one involved animals. Bulls, sheep, or goats were the objects prepared for this sacrifice. As with animal-related offerings, they were to be WITHOUT DEFECT; meanwhile, it could be either male or female, not a restricted sex as in other types.

For a recap, the offering was presented to the Lord, and hands were laid on it; the animal was slaughtered at the Tent of Meeting’s entrance, and its blood poured out against the altar on all sides. This time, the fat, kidneys and liver were taken off the animal and burnt as a memorial for the Lord on top of the burnt offering.

The food was to be EATEN IN TWO DAYS. As this was the only sacrifice that the worshipper could partake in (as in my Quest Bible article), it also prompted communal sharing of the food. At the third day, everything that was left was to be burnt to God; if anyone ate the rest, it was unclean.

And the Israelites COULDN’T EAT FAT NOR BLOOD. Earlier, we concluded that blood represented life; that life sooner would come to Christ. As for fat, worshippers had to give the best choice meat to the One who sustained them in the desert. Isn’t it right to pour out ALL that we have, regardless of the past or the future?

Burnt Sacrifices

The LORD called to Moses and spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting. He said, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'When any of you brings an offering to the LORD, bring as your offering an animal from either the herd or the flock.” (Leviticus 1:1,2, NIV)

Burnt sacrifices are the first type of offering mentioned in the book of Leviticus.  They were created for worship, fellowship with the Lord, and the cleansing of unintentional sin (as I read in my Quest Bible, stemming not from rebellion or will, but of flaws in human character).  This was a way to express surrender and penitence.

The ritual prescribed in the Bible for the offering of the best of the herd (a bull) was this one: The animal was to be presented to the Tent of Meeting (or the Tabernacle) in order to be given to the Lord.  Hands must be laid for the sacrifice and then be slaughtered.  The blood must be spilled “against the altar” at the Tabernacle’s entrance.  While the sacrifice was chopped up in pieces, the fire was ready for the sacrifice to be burnt.  The pieces were to be arranged on the altar’s burning wood.  The inner parts were to be washed, and all of it was burned.  With the best of the flock (a goat or sheep), the sacrifice was to be slaughtered at the north side of the altar, and the same ritual ensued.

For those who were poor or couldn’t afford buying a bull or a sheep, doves or pigeons were also used as atonement.  The priest brought it to the altar, and the head was wrung and burnt. The blood was drained on the altar’s side, and the crop (the canal thingy birds have) in the east side.  It was to be torn open (though not too harshly), and burn it in the altar.

Y’know what’s interesting?

It had to be a MALE sacrifice.  I guess this was a meaning for strength. 

It had to be WITHOUT BLEMISH.  It was supposed to be perfect, without stain nor nothing nasty…

It had to be WITHOUT DEFECT.  It couldn’t be crippled.  The sacrifice to be burnt was to be of the BEST and HIGHTEST quality.  It wasn’t your ordinary picnic to Shiloh: this was for the God of Hosts, the Lord of the Higest Glories. 

Hands were LAID ON THEIR HEAD.  They were saying, “God, I deserve to be on that goat’s/sheep’s place; but I recognize that this offering will give its life for my unworthiness.”

They had to be CUT INTO PIECES.  Were they “chopping off” our own unworthiness like every time my mom would chop meat with a meat cleaver?

It was BURNT COMPLETELY.  That aroma, the aroma of worship, truth and redemption, was taken to the Lord as an offering pleasing to His Glory.  The fire made that person clean, whole, pure, and vindicated from the Utmost.

Earth and Sacrifice

Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you. (Exodus 20:24, NIV)

Sacrifices… That’s a hard topic to cover. What about sacrifices? What in the world did God institute them to the Israelites since the beginning of the covenant?

Sacrifices were a way of worship. All of the animals, the wheat, the flour and the ingredients had to be perfect, without blemish or defect. Each ritual, step by step, revealed that God wanted to be close to His chosen ones. When the ritual was finished, the blood was spilled, and the offering was burnt, an aroma was elevated to the sky into the nostrils of the King of Peace. It was pleasing in His sight.

If sacrifices were a way of worship, they were also a way of joining the Divine with the mortal. God, with no need to, created us mortal humans for His glory. Even if He was higher than what we determine as “high”, He sat his presence upon the Tent of Meeting (later the Temple) and observed how His people gave Him the praise He so deserved. He wanted for us to become closer to Him, even if we were not suited for His holiness...and that, God wanted to ensure that we remained closer to Him.

Sacrifices served as a simply complex reminder: God is holy, we are not. Every commandment God uttered through His words and His prophets reminded Israel –now us- that we must remain without blame, stain, or blemish through the eyes of the living God. It wasn’t until they passed through the arduous selection of selecting the best of the grain, the best of the flour, and the best of the herd and the flock when they realized that they had to give EVERYTHING they are for the Lord. We were tainted, but Someone had to come in for us!

Still, these offerings were a way for the priest to fellowship with his people. As the intermediaries of the Lord, the Levites weren’t given land as the other tribes. They depended on their Hebrew brothers for their daily bread. The grain offerings and the charity of fellowship also created a communion with their people. An atmosphere of peace was established, and everything had a common unity: A life shared for the living God.
Of course, things didn’t use to go that way; well, most of the time…

Bloodshed

Any Israelite or any alien living among them who eats any blood—I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people. For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life. (Leviticus 17:10-11, NIV)

In Christmas, or in any time of year, you will see morsillas –or the equivalent of a blood sausage- lurking around every corner.  I am a fan of food –and a lover of the TRUE meaning of Christmas-, but I’m not fond of eating coagulated blood in that way.  In further cultures, people drink blood as if it was fruit punch!  Or they mix it up a bit with food!  Or they bite someone’s neck! (Sorry, Twi-hards!)

I won’t be speaking of how horrible (or possibly yummy) blood can taste, or about blood transfusions and the Bible’s take on it.  I read this twice today, and it just so happens to catch my sight…

God was clear-cut in His prohibition of blood to the Israelites.  The pentalty?  Being cut off God’s sight-  excommunication- death.  If blood from sacrifices absolved the sinner, the priest, the musicians, the aliens, and the people as a whole, why should it be logically dissolved into our bodies?  All animal life runs by blood; if blood stops flowing through the body, the animal ceases to leave.  Who will be careless enough to transgress upon the blood of atonement?

(Go figure, this was one of the four recommendations given to the Gentiles as the result of the Council of Jerusalem-with no fornication, food sacrificed to idols, and strangled meats.)

There should be no waste upon the sacrifices.  As such, there should be no blood wasted upon such sacrifices.  God commanded every bit of blood for His Glory-isn’t He the giver and taker of life? 

That blood cleared up many, but it wouldn’t last…

(To be continued)

So We're Going Back (VII)

(Last part.  I wrote this on the last day of school, June 16th.)

So We’re going back. And I don’t’ know how many years will it take for me to go back. Call me an exagerao –or at least an idiot-, but there are many things that I wish to know. Maybe God is not willing for me to know about them. However, if I know how even the date of His return, then what is the point of expectation? If I know at these moments when will we return, life is going to stop for me. My focus wouldn’t be on God, but on the dates (like I’m doing right now). Well, there are some things that can’t be revealed to man.

What is left for me to say? Living in D.C. has been a pleasure (well, at least the outskirts!) to live in. I’m running out of options, and very few pages of my green notebook are left. All that’s left for me to do is to scream GOOOAL!!!! for every victory and UGH!!!! for every loss. Actually, I have one thing-no, many things to be thankful for.

I thank God for the experiences I had here in the United States.
I thank God for what I learned, what I’m learning, what I wish to learn, what I will learn, and what I don’t’ want to learn! (sic)
I thank an amazing God for my family and friends, the ones I have and the ones I made, witness of all things He has done in me, for me, and through me.
I thank God for the simple act of manipulating lines with a pencil, pen, or a colored pencil ;P.
I thank God for already handing me the victory.
I thank Him for my focus, even if it’s dismal and repetitive!
I thank my Devotion for restoring my life and my place in the Book of Life.
I thank my Savior for setting me free.
I thank my Healer for not caring about the gay-scandals, the lies and deceits, the hopes broken and the dreams shattered, and just taking me as I am.
I thank my Redeemer for the truth, the renewed hope, the remade dreams, and taking me as I am!
I thank God for letting me dance in the freedom I know.
I thank God for NationStates, the blog, the Commonwealth, the Dominion, and the quirky and zany things happening.
I thank God for the change that has rocked my world.

So we’re going back. And? I’m still reluctant. (Like if that was a surprise-no attitudes intended :P) But at least, my life is aligned to God’s will, and God’s will ONLY. I will rest, indeed, with the knowledge that He will return all what has died- and He will do this to the rest of us, too. If God wants us to stay, or if God wants us to leave, then we’re not so helpless to the iron. The chances were 50/50; now they seem 60/40. When my Master says, “Time to go”, it will be time to go. God will help me pack my bags, and I will wipe the snad of my feet. The sand is loosely built on a sole, and it leeds a little tug to get out.

I don’t know, but wiping off is harder than I expected.

So We're Going Back (IV)

(Again, I apologize.  Slight delays, but I’m ending soon…)

Can I go full-Gospel at you?  For He worries when I can’t cope, dream, or hope.  I hope that returning won’t etch a bigger storm on my pocket.  I wish that returning breaks me off of many bad habits, but it doesn’t erase my likes to blandness.  What if returning kick-starts all my biases and my fears, all my overlays, over again?  If the most abhorrent indecision overtakes me, where will I run up to?

This is the God I live for; the One I can’t see, but I feel; this is the One I must strive for perfection, the Same One I live for-yet, at times., I look to live for myself. *lowers countenance* But of course, this is the Same God who overtook that I was on the accursed tree and freed us from ourselves.  This is the Man of Sorrows, the Suffering Servant, the Alpha and the Omega, the God of Host, and the King of Glory.  He is the reason I write songs, the reason I write short devotions of my life –albeit, this is not that short! *nods* :P

On these lines, He is the only One with the authority to give things and take them away.  And even in the best of days, I want God to take away my mishaps and sins, my horrors and devolutions.  I wish that my thorns are plucked out violently with a tweezer-or it will get horribly infected, but wishing is not enough.  He doesn’t want idleness, but that’s what we humans are experts in.  if a *snaps fingers* could change things, we wouldn’t even thought of leaving in the first place!  Heck, we wouldn’t even be in America!

Government is a doozy.  University’s in trouble.  An oil spill is damaging. Oh, if a harpazo would take place!  I don’t want death, but I sure wish for all these irresolutions to end in the first place!  The limbo we live in is not too far from Heaven, but a bit closer to Hell!  I want out from the discrimination, all the murders, all the corruption, and all the pain.  I want out from the steps that we’re bound to take.  I don’t want people to yell at me (even if they’re not), but alas, such is life. 

So We're Going Back (V)

If I’m not mistaken, not all is lost. Am I putting up a front of reluctance, while I actually wanted to return subconsciously? (My friend Mauricio convicted me of this frequently.) Now that he’s in my train of thought, I draw memories of High Point, my American-school alma mater. Ever since landing here, I never wanted to move back, nor move someplace else. (For what is the reason of becoming a contemporary nomad?) While studying at a place where “ghetto” redefined itself, I forgot that our mission was for a year only. Fall passed, winter passed, spring passed, summer is passing. Ive see food fights and arrests, friends, madness, gogo, Christian rock and the inexpediencey of hall sweeps. Fasting three times a year is too much of chances; uniforms add to the inexpediencey of the school system (which I still adore); comparisons sweep more than ehte coherency of my words or the actions of my actions. For now, I can’t forget the hefty Southeast D.C. accents, half-and-halfs, clappas, and Spanish.

!No pude borrarlo todo de la mente de un cantazo!

As much as I want to erode the facts, they’re cristal clear: we’re leaving, and it’s final. I don’t want pointing fingers when I dance, nore scolding hands when I listen to “Better Than Drugs”, or “Quiero Que Me Hagas El Amor” on the radio. Leave me in peace if I like Reik, Camila, Evanescene or Secondhand Serenade. I don’t want to play the game- but I don’t’ need the tug-of-war of superficial. Let me dance in the freedom I know, please join me if you want to.

Yet I feel like David: a man with a heart similar to God’s, yet his unscrupulous flesh almost devoured him. With my thorns, I feel that I stab o the back fo God. Wait- if it’s not in his purpose, then why am I busy hunting down for my own darkness? I’m still afraid for setting a strange fire and getting killed down, yet I do that oh, so frequently. We play the game in our hearts (for God cannot be fooled, ever), and end up deceiving us only.

Damn passions! I wish they would cease from my body. So we’re leaving, yes, but what does this have to do with packing our bags? I do what I don’t have to do, but I don’t’ do what I have to do. Who’s bigger than my passions, myself, or God? What brings me to my knees and makes me realize I am fragile? Who brings me to my knees and makes me realize I am fragile? Yet, He’s not angry; He's not...

So We're Going Back (IV)

(I’m delayed, so I’ll do a double-post…)

I guess it’s a pride thing.  It’s the pride of knowing more than anyone (yet knowing nothing at all), or having more than anyone (yet having nothing at all).  Experiences, are subjective; then again, why do I fear returning back to Ceiba?  I don’t want to live a mundance, mediocre life. 

School is every day, Monday to Friday, from 8:00-3:00, occasionally leaving early, for the fun of it.

Church is every Tuesday, Thursday, sometimes Friday, and Sunday Morning (for fasting retreats) and Sunday afternoons.

Quinces, weddings, birthdays, outings, boxing matches, pinchos and visits were usually on Saturdays.

People come over for my anything, and for any given reason.

Papi returns to work from 9-4.

Mami cooks and goes out to do her things.

Class activities come up soon.

I don’t know what else.  Pueblo pequeño, infierno grande.  *nods*

So long Targets, Safeways, CVSs, Baja Fresh and Chipotle (which i’ve never visited).  Adios a FYE, Giant, and Marshall’s on PG Mall.  Nos vemos to corporate America and its headquarters; hello to Wal-Mart, Sam’s, La Gran Discoteca, Payless and the Christian bookstore in Ceiba.  Buenos días to friends, Burger King, colmados and dependence to nearby Fajardo.  I’ll give my “hi’s” to the two clinical labs and the numerous Pentecostal churches scarttered around town, and the two funeral homes in the Pueblo.  Maybe that house on the street that bears my name will return to be my home.  For the most, I may have unfinished business. 

Forgive me, God, if I’m not willing to jump because You say so.  Forgive me if I’m not willing to give You the gas pedal belowe the steering wheel.  Forgive me if I’m a slave of myself rather than Yours and Yours only…

So We're Going Back (III)

(This was written later than the rest of my musings. However, I have it in order of sequence…)

Sorry if I bore you again. I have to take this off my chest.

I’ve seen progress. For the first time, I could actually make a living out of life. For the first time I could choose what I wanted. There are many things that I’ve seen, and I don’t want to get off from it!

But we’ve hit a brick wall. We learned that the house we have lived in over twenty years-the same one I grew up in- was on its way to be sold. Damn focus! I wish we wouldn’t dream a lot. Now my parents are searching homes around there, rent and proximity to my old school preferably. My mom doesn’t drive, so she needs somewhere accessible to her needs, while my dad needs somewhere accessible to his lier! (And these lines are in contention, hehe)

Stupid security! From a place where I actually had to struggle, to a place where I know I’ll excel (and a grade where I don’t need to struggle). From a thousand choices fro the future to actually two or three close to you (where everyone goes, either-or kind of way) . From a place where nobody cares to a place where everyone has inherited rights to run your life with the greatest of intentions…if you let that happen. From a place where joking is common to a place where basilones stay forever…Honestly, it sucks.

I am selfish. It hurts my dad to see that he hasn’t w

orked for a year, and it hurts him more when I sigh out of distress. He can’t pay my education here, and he won’t waste nineteen years of experience on a place where layoffs and politicized work are the norm. My dad needs to take care of my grandma, and most of my family is back there. He’s given up much-everyone did-, but I still don’t know what have I given up. I don’t’ want to let go..I don’t want to go with the stupid flow…I don’t want to drop it…

And yet, God is calling. I’m afraid to see all this pocavergüenza going on, all this violence and terror. It’s not use to go to one’s porch, since no street is safe now. It’s pointless to go and see women get killed, teens get murdered or drugged, politicians are dragging us to hell, and a people grilled to indifference. If God is calling us back, what do we have to do then? There are no answers, there are not dates…Am I becoming like Jonah, unwilling to surrender to God’s will?

(To be continued…)

So We're Going Back (II)

Well, this is America: land of the free, and home of the brave.  The land where Lady Liberty bewitches everyone who passes through the Harbor.  This is where the President is working in our backyard, or the balseros risk their lives to reach the coast, or people fighting their way through a politicized immigration bill, or teabagging to Congress. This is where cars were made, capitalism is hailed, flights abound, variety remains, and everybody claims as their home.  This is the place where people don’t give a crap if you eat or drink, sleep or bathe, dress or clothe, or even masturbate!  But it you’re lucky, you’ll find people who take care if you eat or drink, sleep or bathe, dress or clothe, or even masturbate!

I am not willing to erode into family subjugation again.  Hall, I don’t even know if I’m going to the same church again!  What are the expectations they have?  Furthermore, what they didn’t’ expect from us?  What are the standards that they want us to conform again?  Rules were made, yes, but there are some that aren’t written on stones, Bibles, constitutions or civil codes or organized by-laws.  Some are needed, but another ones are just plain dumb!  I’m not in the mood to get “Mirandidized” at these moments.  ;)

America has opened my mind to many things that I thought appalling.  It’s OK to wear make-up, pants (although not too short!) and jewelry to church; it’s fine to dance at a party; it’s all right if you don’t speak in tongues at the end of a service, or if you stalk people to praise at a revival meet.  No reason is needed if you miss a Sunday, or if you wear pants one day.  Not everything ahs to be of the devil’s part (yet we must stay vigilant), but some are from our own troubles.  If you snap at someone, please be courteous and apologize, but remember you have emotions and they need, too, to be let out for a bit.

It’s perfectly understandable that I am slightly nervous upon returning.  It makes me feel that I’m interrupting the normal course of their lives again.  It makes me feel that I creep into something where I don’t’ being…or used to belong.  I feel that I need a system update, but does this include gossips, lies, cheatings, beatings and royal nastiness?  So we’re going back, it’s official; what are the costs?

(To be continued…)

So We're Going Back (I)

So we’re going back. It’s official now, yet discouraging. I have, indeed, written about the big U.S. of A., school, grades, music, boils, random life topics, politics, worship, dreams, goals, personal thoughts at the expense of my family, and more to come. I felt that this is my place: Maryland –and the rest of America- provided me with freedom, choices, chances and more opportunities than what I’d ever consider in Puerto Rico. I guess I was born (technically!) in the USA! (Noteworthy reference!)

Allow me to write with all the grammatical errors I could make. Allow me, please, to be public and candid on what I think, act, and believe. Allow me to choose my words, yet don’t let me be flaccid about this life. Just let me write, write, write…in peace.

In this land, I actually thought that I can make my own life away from the scandals, the family (which I still adore so much), the gossip, lies, trials and feuds that cripple a society. Yet we saw massacre, riot, power struggles, and death on our television screens. These things made me reluctant to go back on a plane to Puerto Rico. I wanted to stray out of the trouble and live my own life here…but it’s not gonna happen. I wanted to live recording my thoughts, ideas and sentiments, yet I am led by God’s thoughts, ideas and sentiments, not wanting to worry on who to please, what to please, and why to please (as appeasing as I unconsciously strive for). I want to stay because I love it there…but I wonder, maybe this is my sacrifice…

Everyone I n my family had to sacrifice some thing for this leap. Papi had to sacrifice four months without us, his job, and his family. Mami had to sacrifice the same, plus not having an extensive knowledge of English. Gorda had to sacrifice her friends, the university, and again, her family. Tío had to sacrifice being alone (which was his delight, however), his pocket money and a few inches of height. And I had to sacrifice my friends and family, my church, and my school. In here, however, Papi can’t find work, Mami can’t stand being enclosed on four wars and constantly cooking; Gorda can’t find work nore wheels; Tío doesn’t know if he’s getting discharged for his treatment (he wants to go to Florida ASAP); in my case, I seem to receive blessings. 

Are those the some things God wants me to sacrifice? In less than a year, I started school twice, I took two SAT’s, I had to classes in Spanish; I was inducted into the National Honors Society and I received a Business Achievement Award; I met people from across the globe; I was blessed with a different church experience; I saw all the seasons; I’ve grown to become a musical person, and where He is, there’s freedom ;)

How can I say “NO” to all the chances I’m getting here? Will I be willing to pass up all these blessings? Unfortunately, this is what I have to do. I can’t get a summer job, nor take the driving test until this whole birth certificate thing is sorted out. My Office Tech teacher told me about a job opportunity at the FedEx Center in Landover, Maryland, where the Redskins play (boo!). Alas, football season starts in August, so I was impelled (by my mother, I don’t blame her) to turn down the officer. In another case, APs could be an undone dream: my teacher gave me a packet version of the Human Geography book, yet working on it would be worth for nothing. If I’m here, I’ll work on it; If I go back, I’ll still work on it, to an extent.

(To be continued…)

Be Holy

I am the LORD who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy. (Leviticus 11:45, NIV)

Ah, Jehovah Mekkedeshem-the LORD who sanctifies.  Holiness is something I’ve been hammered with; the only thing that it hasn’t happened is to be quizzed at it.

I was used of seeing skirts (no minis), not too much make-up, nor much jewelry or silicon bands (‘till a while ago)…until the plane hit.  Even before that, I was okay with “liberal” churches and their association on dress…yet, I am still reserved on many aspects.  I don’t have problems with dancing or rock or listening to music that’s not Christian (I still listen to Christian music though :P) or even with looking sorta “tirao” on occasion.  When I’m confronted with the command of being holy, though, I get a tug on my heart: something’s wrong!  (Or at the most, I’m making it wrong…)

I’m reading through Leviticus now, and it’s interesting to see how a systematic process for sacrifices and worship are weaved through and fro this misunderstood book.  I cringe a bit when holiness is intimated, though: does it mean that I have to stop myself from actually having a life?

Yes and No.  Yes, because we live for God now; we represent Him in any type of the world.  And no, because the light is never shuttered on an enclosed place.  He won’t let us live a house-work-church lifestyle without giving us an adventure along the way.  (People, don’t we have a life to live?)  Then again, this is what I always know (and I should take it by heart): Trust in God alone, and He will make the changes.