Forgive and Forget!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions
from us. (Psalm 103:12, NIV)

You all know my latest plight.

Today I face some…personal horrors, but I’m cool with it. I guess I’ve forgotten the simplicity of forgiving and forgetting. This also means that I should do the same: forgive and forget myself.

A song, “East to West”, was playing on the back of my head last night. I went for my dad’s IPod (conveniently located in my room) and searched on “forgetting sins” in Yahoo. This went to another interesting, yet divisive, inquiry of how God, if willing, forgets our sins if confessed. Most importantly, He forgets them, nailed to the cross.

This is a brimming, bubbling message of hope for all people! This is also confusing! For the God that had decided to forget His enemies –which are us at one point-, He did the unimaginable: become flesh and die so that all can enjoy His eternity.

He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites—all their sins—and put them on the goat's head. He shall send the goat away into the desert in the care of a man appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert. (Leviticus 16:21-22, NIV)

In the Day of Atonement –I love this story- there were two goats in lots: one was used for the tabernacle and the other as a scapegoat for the desert. The tabernacle goat was used for sacrifice, meaning that God will wipe our sins away. The scapegoat, however, had a different fate: it was to carry all the people’s sins, and to be taken to the desert, where it would never return. This meant that God took all their sins far away, “as the east is from the west”.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:-16-14, NIV)

This also calls for us to forget what happened in our past and live to our future: the Heavenly reward. But how God can remember everything, even if He says our sins are forgotten from His presence? To be honest, I do not know; something also clears up, however. I guess, it helps us to grow, and to not commit them again. There is something, however, yearning for love. We long for peace, we long for forgiveness. And God does that: He forgives, He forgets, we grow in His love and grace.

Lord, You have removed all my sins, as of humanity, as the east is from the west. Help me forgive and forget myself, and grow from said experience. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN.

Heal Timer, or Time Healer? (II)

All is well within these couple of days. Now that October is running around the corner, it also means that the holidays are coming! Among other family activities we will all soon be sharing, I’m also pondering up about something.

When I opened to you about the “gay scandals” back in late July, it was a really heart-wrenching deal throwing this up in the open. (You can remember what actually happened.) It was somewhat strange and really personal (now, it’s not that much!) that God knows that pain-in-the-gut feeling I had. Also, September 30 really reminds me of another time…

After the big hoopla happened with the computer, it seemed to pull fine after a few weeks. I remember August 24, the end of the Olympics, the fake system antivirus seemed to clear up. It was also a relief, so nothing much happened in those weeks. My birthday passed, other church activities passed, school passed, for a span of a month. It also resurged, but not as immediate. I don’t remember watched when I relapsed into the gay porn thing, but I do know about Tuesday, September 30, 2008. I was going to a school to do some SSL hours (they were giving the College Board exams in the school, we had the day off) and I searched for it. Before and after, I knew many sites that I unfortunately remember. I even looked up on the “Church of Priapus” a few times in July! When I came back from the school, I went to the computer, and Mami gave me a stern warning. (She knew what was going to happen.) It went way downhill from there, and you could know what’s up next. I hit something that I shouldn’t hit, and BAM! Another fake system antivirus on the run! They were upset (who wouldn’t?) and I wasn’t allowed to use the computer for the rest of the year without supervision. The computer was erased, but its memories still haunt me… forever. (Well, not that much…)


It reminds me of this comment someone gave when I wrote the post:

"But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead
and is alive again; he was lost and is found."(Luke 15:32, NIV)

He has not timed your healing, He has not healed your time. He is waiting, and you are merely looking for Him.

The goal of “My Life in You” is not to boast about our preferences, nor beliefs, nor condemn, nor make biases (we have all done so); it’s to celebrate God in our lives, to bring a touch of humanity to not a forum, but a family. I will be honest: I still can’t grasp that truth that Jesus is waiting for me. For what? For me to give up my past? For me to forget all those things that I can’t lay down on my own? To refresh in the ponds of His love with no doubt or malice? Where I can’t go, will He cover?

Lord, I do not know what expects me in my life. Let me be willing to surrender all I can’t go for. Let me know You are waiting with open hands for us to refresh in Your love. Be glorified, let us live free in Your grace, and I ask for forgiveness in Your cross. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN.

Mamut Takes On: You Got Served!

Paul's Conversion!

As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?" (Acts 9:4-5,NIV)

This is something last-minute. Not “last-minute” in the way that I changed my mind about certain topic. It’s just the fact that I had other plans with this take-on. Maybe God knows; it’s not time to challenge yet. But for the go, I’ll keep trying.

Saul of Tarsus became Paul: the apostle of the Gentiles. But first, we look at his life: a Pharisee, he learned many things of Jewish law. He was also prepared in the best schools, knowing the important languages of the area (Hebrew, Latin, Greek). However, he persecuted Christians when the movement started to rise. He was daftly ignorant about this choice, never knowing what happened next.

In the road to Damascus, we say 30-35 d.C., carrying letters that breathed murder, he was stuck down on his feet by the Lord Jesus Christ, risen from the Heavens. His omnipotent voice called for Saul, and the calling was made known: this was the instrument to the Gentiles. Soon, his apostolic ministry would reach the implacable heights of the known world. He would also suffer for the Gospel, a true faith resonating throughout the centuries. Most of the letters present a clear-cut connection and the fulfillment of grace.

But we’ll skip the big wording for now. In fact, could you imagine God appearing to us with His mighty power? Of course we’d be struck down in awe and fear! This, in other words, mean: “You got served!” And change was shown.

Did Jesus really appear, or was it some sort of emotional ecstasy?

Repentance...

I wrote this shortly. It may seem crass, but something in my mind came up. How much we rejected God in various ways? I know; I've done that. But, still, He opens us with grace and love while we repent. This is what I want to offer. Something in my mind came like, "I've rejected You; I'm sorry" or so. How much we need Him!

I've rejected Your ways
My eyes are broken to shame
My heart is floating away
I feel like sinking my faith

I've broken Your covenant
I've failed to follow Your path
I feel that pain won't leave me
By grace, You'll heal

I offer repentance
Because I can't reach more
I want to turn away from my sin
I plead for Your mercy
For my own unworthy soul
Let Your love transform me on its own.

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus. (Acts 3:19-20, NIV)

The One Who Calls

I’m a candid guy. Remember the time that I spoke of George Lopez and there was a part about masturbation? This I expounded it… with limited results. However, something came up, and I have to address this.

I have had problems with this topic ever since this resurfaced in late May. (I am a Christian, not a sexologist.) Just the fact that some condone, some condemn, but the Bible doesn’t say anything about it made me confused. It became a “battle” of sorts; the one which I made it, and confusion still reigned. I will stick to Paul on this one: What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24, NIV)

God knows about my troubles. Even while being 1500 miles away, this has taken more twists than expected. How? Today. (Will I tell you details?) After… whatever happened, I went to the Internet and Googled it. (BIG mistake!) While finding search results for “is masturbation a sin”, some said it wasn’t a sin, some said it is. Oy, the headache! After this, I went to God for help. After I realized and asked forgiveness (and expected my guilt to run off), I came over this interesting passage on my uncle's Quest Bible:


It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, NIV)


These are part of the first 12 verses of the chapter. Not to twist some verses, but I just wanted to point out a part of what I found. God called us for holiness, but her am I talking about something… er… maybe not that holy! But it doesn’t stop there!

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (1 Thessalonians 4:24, NIV)

How great is our God! He knew that even while saved, we would never reach that aspect of holiness God requires. Though this is disputed, I in fact believe that holiness is ever-changing, ever-onward. God wants holiness, yes, but He does a perfect job in shaping us up for that day. I know that we will still sin and fall (as per the example), but God knows what’s up. His words are dynamic, and He will rightly help us with the aid of the Spirit in our way.
I remember when one my cousin-uncle told me when I asked about this a few months ago: “Sooner or later, you won’t need it anymore.” (He speaks English; at least, with slight variation, this is what I can remember.) And this I wait.

This, my friends, is our God: The One who calls us… for all!
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Have you ever faced a personal dilemma?, and you have to run to God for an answer?

I...Love...You!

I’ve read from my uncle’s Quest Bible that the Bible is a love story. More than a novel, it is the most interesting story mankind has seen. God, knowing how people were afar from his love, sent His only Son, and He decided to put all the world’s sins upon Him. From the beginning of the Earth, God has aptly put a mark on the history, and nothing happens without His will in touch. This is love. Pure love.

He has also considered not only forgiving our sins and throwing us as the east is from the west, but He also restored us fellowship for His throne. We are not worthy of saying, “I love You, Lord”, not one bit. But He overlooked us, and decided to spare us from the incoming wrath. “I love You” is the only thing we can say.

All this week, I’ve focused on human weakness and the overcoming love of God. More than what I expected, love is never left out from our weaknesses. There is one thing that I have considered: did I said “I love You” to God lately? This part makes me confused. Again, internet hasn’t resolved much in searching how exactly do we love God, if there are any requirements. One article that I remember put up that loving God is keeping His commandments. It’s not pointless, in fact, it’s true; however, this also strains me to guilt, for the fact that I need to keep doing His commandments to show that I love Him. Also, my mind is not helping. “I love You” can become an “I hate You”! This is becoming annoying!

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:9, NIV)

Thus, I overshadowed saying a simple three-letter phrase, because I needed to say it from the heart so that it could count. Until today in the wee hours of the night. After we watched Muriel’s Wedding (great movie!), we watched a bit of the Golden Girls (great show!), but I was feeling sleepy since 10. I decided to go to bed, but my sister woke me up with a prank of hers. Although I felt distressed, I pulled up and moved to my uncle’s bed (my sister sleeps in there, he’s still in the hospital) with my new favorite white sheet. Before falling asleep like a rock, this pondering thought made my mind somehow. Was I cold to His love, just because I was intimidated to say “I love You”?

(Until recently, it’s rare for me to write long posts.) I woke up this morning, and this thought of three simple words is still hovering over the brain. Is God really working out my fear for loving without being self-conscious? I think. With three simple words… “I…Love…You…” I repeated some short, uncountable times. Though God wants more than sacrifices, He wants us to see the bounty of love he has for us.

I guess I should put these words up in my “Mamu-vernacular!” I love You, Lord, and I shout it to the Heavens!

The Boot

I am absolutely appalled.

Right now, I just heard from news and Radio that 17,000 Puerto Rican Government employers will be fired… SOON! As I’m writing, a general protest is ongoing in San Juan, the capital. This is a shock to me. What are the chances of Puerto Rico sinking deeper and deeper into an economic downturn? What’s next? No one knows who’s getting fired!

This also made me think about what would’ve happened if we stayed in Puerto Rico, if all these months of anxious waiting wouldn’t run. My dad’s not unemployed; he took an unpaid yearly leave from Hacienda. What would’ve happened if we stayed? Would he be fired? It’s a big stake in my heart, a big worry for my compatriots. This is not a joke: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandmothers, grandfathers, workers, janitors… This is a big overhaul for Puerto Rico. Is this what’s happening: is the Island of Enchantment disintegrating to my very eye?

How am I here, gorging a pizza and cheesecake, while many people back there are crying and striking to their very lungs? Is it a huge trick-of-fate that God’s playing with us? I can imagine the despair many feel at these moments. It’s a huge disappointment.

By no means have I pretended to use this as an excuse to display “superiority” or laugh out at their misery. It is also affecting for me, a fellow compatriot. But I still ponder: Did God let us escape? What will happen in Puerto Rico? Will God’s grace cover us all? Yes, I do believe. In the midst of all chaos and craziness, God can use this as means of fixing our eyes at Him, and realizing that He is the only thing that floats around our lives.

If the LORD had not been on our side when men attacked us, when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away. (Psalm 88:2-5,NIV)

I. Need. Blood.

It is near 6:00 PM. I’m here writing as always, skimming on my brain, trying what can I present to you. There is still a realization I have to let sink in: in less than 24 hours, I have obviously transgressed all the Commandments God intended in Exodus. I have idolized, I have coveted; I haven’t sanctified the day of rest (what is it, then?), lusted, coveted, killed, and more. I need death; this I unfortunately deserve. I need blood, I need blood… (And I’m not a vampire!)

But only the high priest entered the inner room, and that only once a year, and never without blood, which he offered for himself and for the sins the people had committed in ignorance. The Holy Spirit was showing by this that the way into the Most Holy Place had not yet been disclosed as long as the first tabernacle was still standing. This is an illustration for the present time, indicating that the gifts and sacrifices being offered were not able to clear the conscience of the worshiper. (Hebrews 9:7-9, NIV)

I present to you… atonement. What sacrifices couldn’t do (they were important, but did not clear consciences), Christ did it… with a price. How more could the view of law would be the shadow of what it is to come?

In the Old Testament, sacrifices are common ways for penitence and worship. The Bible registers exorbitant amounts of blood from rams, bulls, calves and goats and lambs. This meant that sin is death, and the only way one could be forgiven and freed from sin is by blood of an innocent. It became a perpetual reminder for Israel –for us, too- that we deserved to die: the animal took our place.

However perfect this presented, it couldn’t clear the conscience of those penitent. It became, though, that the reminder of the inability of self-purity would be carried. Until Christ came. In John 19:34, “Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus' side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.” Water for purity, blood for atonement.

This blood became the substance for the world’s redemption by Christ. What sacrifices couldn’t do, Jesus fulfilled it. Our ransom was paid by the Savior, Redeemer and Liberator. It prompts me to return: I need blood. And where do I find that blood? On the feet of the cross, where our weakness was sealed.

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. (Hebrews 2:9, NIV)

There's Something More Than Humilliation...

(Since we are in Weakness Week, it is imperative that I adress the famous self-rant. Sometimes, I feel to write over and over again. Those who are older know about this rant, when I wrote it back in July 24. Why do I decide to rerun such horrible post with that assumption of myself? I will tell you why soon...)

...that can make me feel like crap. (Yeah! I said it!)

I'm sick and tired of being insulted and me not saying anything. I'm tired of Googling "why people can't (insert)" on there. I'm tired of questioning to God WHY I HAVE THE FLAW OF NOT DEFENDING MYSELF FROM EVEN MY OWN FAMILY! I don't know if I'm weak or just a plain idiot, then why I like to be humiliated, bashed, verbally beaten, and a plain masochist? This ain't Mamut talking, I'm totally OOC here. No Mamut is talking the pain; I'm the Joe that has feelings and that has dignity unknown.

Why I can't rebound from my own problems? Why do I have to linger pain and guilt of my inability to cope with such things, and then hear my mother's anger? How much do I have to pray, fast, and read the Bible to get an answer? How much do I have to handle before exploding like an idiot? How much can I go before bashing myself in front of everybody in Cyberspace!!??

Writing is not helping, not one bit. It hurts that someone says to me an "idiot", where I can't find peace, where I'm hit in my jugular. Where I fell wounded, hurt, torturing... myself.

Lord, help me realize my weakness. I'm being too earnest, but please break me where I need to bre broken. Strenghten me where I need to be strong. Make me rise in my weakness and start over, not to question Your paths, but to be glorified in me. Where I can go, covewr where I fail. Remove all guilt from me, and all my brokeness. Forgive me for not beaing at ease with the things taht happen to me. I ask for Your wisdom, where Your power is made known where I feel hurt, broken, and confused. In Your name I pray, according to Your will... AMEN.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (1 Corinthians 12:10)

He Is Lord!

Yesterday, I talked about how the cross not only defines who we are, or what we are, but what we aren’t or can’t do: give our lives for all humankind. That was in Jesus’ job. Today, it is different: He is Lord!

"Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. (Matthew 28:5-6, NIV)

Picture this: a heavy tomb sealed shut and reopened, two surprised women, angels (or not?) and Jesus is not there. If you look at the next verse, you will see a risen Jesus:

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. (John 19:19-20, NIV)

I followed certain continuity: if I didn’t talk about the crucifixion in our lives, how would I talk about Jesus being risen from it? More than that, did he actually rise?

Crucifixion was brutal! He was scourged before the actual process. He carried a cross, were flagellated, hands and feet nailed, and the chest speared, with near-broken legs, a crown of thorns, fighting with asphyxia, and being scorned by His own people. He also dealt with the weight of what happens to all of us: temporary separation from God, while He weighed the sins of the world. And in less than three days, that Temple was raised!!?? Was it a hoax, was it just a sham, or was it real? Or did Jesus really never die, and somebody die for Him and all? Was the Jesus presented an illusion or the real deal?

The fact that a human can live again is perplexing for most. How come people think He is not alive! (According to Leader University: )
The seal was broken.
The tomb was open.
The soldiers went AWOL.
The stone was moved.
The graveclothers tell a tale.
His appearances during 40 days are confirmed by Scripture.
Over 500 witnesses saw Jesus face to face. They saw His wounds, His hurt, His pain, His happiness, His promise that He would be with them forever.
Most of all, their lives were changed by the truth of the rebirth. Soon, it’s our turn!

What do you think, Commonwealth: Did Jesus did resurrect?

Mamut Takes On: The Mad Dash of Lost Hope!

The Cross!

“It’s over. The cross didn’t work.”

What? !Señor reprenda! Who am I to abhor (or my mind to incline to) the work of the cross in my life? How come Jesus died in vain, if he didn’t? Why am I located in the point of no return, where the work of the Lord is finished, soon to be revealed?

It all came early today, when I reached to school. I woke up at 6:30, pretty rare for me now. When I had to reach the bus in 25 minutes, it became a mad dash! Bathing, dressing, perfuming, shampooing, picking up books, all in all, I reached it with seven minutes to spare.

In school, I had to dash to my Office Tech class, and took the wrong book. This also made me dash to my Art class, and in the journey, this musing came to mind. Somewhat murky, gory, and ugly, my mind was convinced that the cross didn’t work. Though I successfully reached both dashes, I still couldn’t finish the work.

Worse: in the road to the bus, I got scolded for buying a Welch’s pack of gummies (which are delicious!) and it made me get a pack of guilt (you know the drill). This mostly improved my convictions that the cross didn’t work.

Who am I to backslide (or at least try to) in the work the Lord has done? Why this thought ran so smoothly in my head all day? Is it the devil trying to trick me? No, he isn’t. If Satan tried, God would warn me in any way. Is it my crazy, perverted, unknowable mind? Yes, my self-righteous persona tried to supersede what the cross has done in my life.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so
far from the words of my groaning? (Psalm 22:1, NIV)

Jesus did this back on the cross, hanging Himself for all mankind. If He didn’t do this, would we bear ourselves in the bare minimum? What about the dash on the cross? What about the long road Jesus went through while carrying what we couldn’t (and can’t and don’t) do… successfully. He not only carried our sins, but our weaknesses and iniquities, our doubts and our pride, our poor holiness and our law. He also carried billions on people on that mad dash. He didn’t run; He paced Himself, bit by bit.

And I guess it’s our time to run that mad dash to the cross! Then by faith, I’ll kick out the “cross didn’t work” charade outta here!

The Midnight Ramble!

“Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.”(Joel 2:23, NIV)

I have bumped to this quote right now on the Internet. I’m tired, I have had a long day. Beyond my failures, my freedoms, my discords, and my indecisions, it’s beautiful that God still has time for letting me pace and slow down (even though I don’t want to!). There are also times that I have to speed up, but He helps me too.

As I’ve told you, I’m having problems with the longevity of prayer. And I’m also struggling with many other things. Even in writing and a little bit of a crazy idea my sister has! It also makes me happy to share with you guys a bit of my life, and I hope you can do, too. Beyond that, God amazingly pleases when I at least recognize Him, even though those moments are brief. (Sorry for the repetition!)

How much do we struggle with life? I struggle with finding a church, classes and now with my uncle’s chemo plan. A lot of trials have come ahead, and God had this walk prepared for us. So the adventure is just beginning. It’s weird, but cool and thrilling!

Though I am amazed that Jesus is more than all for me, it’s also surreal that there are many things I can’t give up. Not one bit. Willing, but… ech… just… And He still carries me in His arms, as imperfect as I am. He does that with you, too, even in the darkest moments.

So, this is my midnight ramble. Though I’m hitting the hay soon, there’s just so much more to see! So many things to do, so little time! And yet, God is there. Waiting, patiently.

Don’t know if I’m going to church, or at least try. (God, help me…) Heading off to sleep.

Dios los bendiga.

My Mind In You

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV)

I am such a hypocrite.

I’ve had a problem trying to blog about this verse, which has been resonating to me ever since I got to school. This makes me feel broken, guilty, and… impure, and perverted. How come all of our thoughts are subject to Christ, yet we wash Him out of it for more than we try not to?

I know that God will judge me one day for everything I’ve done, good or bad. So I find pressure in finding what can I think, what example I do (now that I’m in school), how do I relate to Him, and how do I address in worship. Of these, prayer, worship and thoughts I do worry.

Meanwhile, God knows my futile ability in redeeming my thoughts and graces. I also worry about the undivided heart; I think my heart is worse divided than the 50 states of America (DC included!) But let me return. When I rebuffed some for the heated siding of debate they launched, it makes me think: “What a hypocrite!” How much of those do I need, I mean? Should we be punished by God, we wouldn’t even make to see five minutes. Even though a lot of these things don’t work for my favor, God is the only thing that can cast my thoughts aside is God Himself, and the aid of His word and Spirit.

Lord, make my mind captive for Your glory. Make my heart ready for Your heaven sometime soon, and be glorified in our lives as You always do. Makes us be an example of Your Kingdom, soon to come. In Your name I pray… AMEN.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Phillipians 4:8-9,NIV)

Like Them? Like Me!?

They said to him, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have." (1 Samuel 8:5,NIV)

Okay. I am not enjoying using Israel as an example of our common spiritual condition of haughtiness, nastiness, and powerlessness. It’s all worn out by… everyone! I hate it. Still, “hate” is a no-no for a Christian to say, huh? So, for the effects of after-writing guilt, I’m saying “dislike”. It suits better for our purpose, now? But… back to the point!

Let’s skip back to Deuteronomy 17:14-20, Moses is giving commands about the selection of a king. And, surprisingly, verse 14 starts, “When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, "Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us…" (NIV, of course!) Four-hundred-years before even the conquest of Canaan happened! How great is our God!

God already warned that His future generations will want a human king as their leader!

Now, here’s the down-side. Israel wanted a king like the other nations ! There laid the problem! They envied their surrounding countries, and they wanted to… “fit in” as we speak. (Same with us, people! In a moment!) They have rejected God Himself.

This is where I find a pickle. We are to live like we are not from this world, we are not to conform by this world, but we live in this world. And this is a major pickle: am I really forced to say the same examples people say on Bible studies? Are we to look up to a person, or not, be it the most godly they can be? I know our eyes should be ever fixed on Jesus Christ, but do I really have to write a devotional blog because “(name of big preacher) is doin’ it”? Yes, it’s not bad to do many things; the reason is the motive.

Oh, those gut-wrenching feelings when you know you’re convicted of something! I guess this is what we need…er…God needs to work in us. Even for putting a jacket because it’s “like the other nations”, we are holding accountable for that (and I need to listen to my own sermons!), not because we need it. Sorry for this; I’m off today, or night. It’s the fact that there are a lot of things that we do “like the other nations”, that we need to change, step up, do what the Lord sends us to do, and rest in His grace. This walk gets complicated every second more. We are to be separate, unlike others. We can have fun and do everything, but we should be distinguished for God, not what we have on. (And yes, I wore a jacket for school! Stupid guilt!)

And lastly, on what note do I end? Writing wasn’t planned today; it’s starting to get late! Should I keep using pet words to finish, or go with self-righteousness? I feel lost, like the other nations. And I have Christ! Has the light vanished? I don’t think so. Has the grace vanished? Nope; not that neither. Then why do I feel lost, like the other nations? Am I being too harsh, like they are at themselves too? Then all the other nations need Him as much as I need him.

The Most Beautiful Sunrise in Washington DC!

Today, I will share with you the story of the most beautiful sunrise in Washington, DC. Or… the outskirts. It starts with this…

His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand, where his power
was hidden. (Habakkuk 3:4, NIV)

Had it been different, I was going to talk about my inability to make my mind captive of Christ’s Word, in which I had the post partially prepared before I went to school. Or, I could’ve talked about the food fight in my school, but I’ll disclose details later. Or, my guilty perceptions of myself, especially about transferring a class in which I don’t have the prerequisites AND “stealing” a pencil that was on an English book (see? Blogs DO have a narcissistic influence!), but I got something different for you –and me and God too. It’s getting tired of the insipid I have, but not about the salt that God wants me –and you too- to have.

I wake up at 5:00 or 4:00, prepare, pray in intervals (somewhat; it’s been two days now), go eat something, bathe and prepare myself, get dressed, hug parents goodbye, annoy sister for minimum 30 seconds, hug parents goodbye again, head to the front at near 6:30 in the morning, and wait for the bus to take us to school. I’ve met many people, and I really like the system. Of course, there are many things left unchecked that I still have to resolve, but school is awesome! (for the materials, and the people from around the world, too!)

Now, for geography. I live near the Washington DC Metropolitan area. (It takes less than 20 minutes to reach DC without traffic.) However, it also takes seven minutes to get to my school in Beltsville, MD. However, when we get to Powder Mill Road close to the freeway to get to DC, a orangey-red circle with a round crown circles on the orangey sky of near 7:00 am. It’s the best sunrise in Washington, DC. And I’m bold enough to say that.

God knows me oh, so well. Twice we pass over there, and it always impacts me. That cross from Powder Mill Road makes me happy to be here, not only with my uncle –who’s fine, he’s having some ops done- and my family, but God gave me a new life, and a fresh start.

I have been tempted to put in words of self-consciousness at this very moment. Who wouldn’t? The fact is, that sunrise from Powder Mill Road is God’s daily gift, not only to me, but to us. All who dare to look (carefully!) at the sun and recognize God’s power and might over our heads. For now, I’ll admire the beauty of the Lord, and at last, live like my favorite verse, “This is the day the LORD has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it”(Psalm 118:26, NIV as always).

Thus, this is the story of the most beautiful sunrise in Washington, DC. (Or, in the outskirts of it!)

Mamut Takes On: In The Beginning...

Creation!

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. (Genesis 1:1, NIV)

On what else can I kickoff this series? This verse is perfectly fit for everything, since God is the creator of every living thing on Earth.

How come He decided to bless the Earth with such vast complex of creatures and plants? According to the first two chapters of Genesis, God created the earth in six days and eight commands. He rested on the seventh day. The order is (brought to you by Wikipedia):

• Day one: Light to create day and night (command 1)
• Day two: The creation of firmaments, making skies (command 2)
• Day three: The creation of oceans and land (command 3); the creation of plants(command 4)
• Day four: Separation of firmaments to create time and the Sun and Moon (though indirectly referenced-command 5)
• Day five: Marine animals and birds, and commands to multiply (command 6)
• Day six: Land animals (command 7) and Man and Woman from His own hand (command 8)
• Day seven: Rest of the Lord and blessing
  

Growing up, this was one of the values we were taught, along with others that I’ll take a moment to explain later. However, many cosmologies (that’s the science that deals with the universe at large) have an interesting explanation. Although I’m not a firm believer of them, they offer creative guesses of how the Earth was actually made.

I still think that God made the Earth in seven periods of 24 days (or so we think). Yet, many people say that the Earth is six billion years old. I also think that God may have created the earth in a time frame, using “day” in a allegorical/symbolical way. Maybe God took a billion years each (that’s an eon), and that’s OK. God doesn’t need to tell us everything, just something.

This has been on a grave controversy, especially in America. Could this be teached in a classroom, along with evolution? For me, yes… and no. Yes, for the fact that it is part of the cosmologies and cosmogonies (who deal with the theories concerning the creation of the Earth) that revolve around, and this could also be discussed within the classroom. No, for the concerning fact of the secularity that many schools are supposed to present. This doesn’t mean that one school is more “holy” than the other; it’s the fact of how the school (and hence, the boards) deal within it. Christian schools (including parishes) will obviously teach this, so I’ll skip that part.

I won’t keep up talking about the abundant scientific hoopla concerning with creation, that’s not my job! However, my point here is explaining (to the best of my ability) my beliefs about something I do care, was raised, and take by heart, mind and soul. It’s thrilling to see that the first verse of Genesis can cap off for ALL of us. We were made in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26), showing that although we rule over creation, Jesus Christ is the beginning and end of it. God will always be checking upon the happenings of His beautiful betrothed, the one that awaits His return.

Hope You'll Return: It Is Well...

This school week went off without a hitch! Well, if you say “hitch” in the technical form, there was a food fight on Tuesday. County police went there, and it was crazy! Some were arrested, some are being considered for expulsion. Gulp.

Classes are getting tough, and I’m loving it (like McDonald’s!). Now, onto the blog!

Ive had a hard time opening lockers. I know my combination (no, I won’t tell it!), and how to open it. I guess its turn a few times left-right skip a full line for middle-right. But, it’s tiring going directly to the locker at 7 while trying to open the locker. Oh, American high schools are so different! If this was a fight, the locker’s winning… by a combo (joke!).

I’ve also had a troubling time putting the pen drive in my uncle’s new computer. My uncle’s computer is fairly new; my pen drive, not so much. Sometimes, it gets hard trying to fit my pen drive to the computer. I’m fairly successful when I insert it on the hard drive. It’s complicated.

However, I’m still facing personal struggles with… you know already! My brain is kinda lost in ideas. That it’s too personal to explain, and I guess you don’t want to know the details. God knows everything, and with Him, nothing can separate me. And about that, I’m having struggles into picking a perfect prayer time with all my homework and so on. Still, God appreciates the small moments when I can talk to Him, even if it is something short.

I have found a church, but I don’t know when to go. And my uncle has found another one, and I don’t know when to go neither. The church thing makes me genuinely nervous. He’ll be treated with chemo on Monday in DC. Please, pray so that everything will be fine. I’ll do too.

Meanwhile, I am loving the USA. Obama did a speech about the health care hoopla in Comcast Center in UMD, close to where I live. I wished to be there! However, with all the commotion around the land, I have frequent guilt-trips and a maze of imperfection, struggling with sin and making new friends, it is well in my soul. And the verse for the day?

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1, NIV)

A Life of Uncertainty

I wrote this on August 17, just a few weeks before going here. This is just a part of the emotions of uncertainty of moving to America. The verses were updated for reference.

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I have never realized that my life would take a full 180 when my dad left to Seattle in late April or early May. From one Sunday of sharing as a family in the mountains of Barranquitas, to leaving to America the next, it gave a whole new meaning to the word uncertainty.

Watching my dad on webcams, and calling every morning at 10, afternoon at 3, and evening at 10 or 11, it was tough seeing my mother fall down on her bed alone every night. This was the only consistent thing I could pray on. I could be sure that this would be all over, and it will be soon.

I can never imagine what would be when I see my uncle on a hospital bed on Walter Reed in DC when he takes chemo. (The Armed Services won’t take chances with him.) There can be a 50-50 chance of survival, in many cases more. There is a chance of uncertainty, of doubt, of fear of our worst expectations coming true.

This is just a case of tough choices my father has to take, starting with the full moving to America in a lightning-bolt speed. What became a summer is now forming into a full life, a life of uncertainty: where as spotty as life would be (and It is!), you’ll never know what God has in store for ya.

The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's
household and go to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1,NIV)

Did Abraham think the same when God told him to move from Ur of the Chaldeans? I imagine. But he obeyed the Lord’s voice that made the difference in the creation of His nation, Israel. Would’ve Solomon thought about money before saying wisdom? He could’ve, but he chose something that God would be pleased in. But, could’ve Jesus denied going to the road of the cross for our sins for us? Yes, he could’ve. He is God, He didn’t need to lay down His life for us. But He did that… only for love. What became unsure of what our life would end became a choice: the salvation of our souls.

See? Ages have passed, and humans have made tough choices that recurred to a blind mind and a contrite heart to hear much of the Lord in truth. That the life we life is only one, and our bodies will go to dust is elementary. But what our soul will rest? Or suffer?

This, my friends, is a life of uncertainty. We only come here as travelers, as pilgrims, just as that. We come here making tough choices, like my father had to do for our wellbeing, of ourselves and his brother. Leaving what I can is hard, starting over worse, but something I will always count on:

“I can do everything in Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13,NIV)

What God Wants

Back in church, one of the things that we heard of is that God wants more from us. All of our hearts, more commitments to him, more of all, that’s what the Lord wants. It has startled me to see that the Lord who died upon that cross wanted more from us. What more could we give to him? What about our surrender? Did God want that from us?

It wasn’t until later that I found something: we are complete in Christ, and nothing more. This was a break of hope. Realizing that the work of the cross is perfect, and nothing more can be added to it was just more than I have come from. He love us more than enough, for he is more than enough.

However, I don’t discredit that God indeed wants more from us. What is it, friend?
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8, NIV, emphasis mine)

Before I keep going, a disclaimer: This is for all readers, including me! I know that sometimes I have to listen to my own sermons, and that I whine too much, but as much as I read, I have to take care of what I say, read, learn, and write too! This is a learning experience; correct me if I’m wrong.

This may sound contradictory, but God wants three things: justice, mercy, and humbleness. Oh, how dangerous it is without those three together! However, how much do we fail to meet these! How can we do justice, or mercy, or humbleness for such wily sinners that we were bound for Hell, but God took compassion of it?

God wants justice, mercy and humbleness.
God wants honesty, integrity and modesty.
God wants equality, care, and meekness.

God wants love, and love of Truth: love of mind, mouth, body and spirit. God wants our whole beings to become vessels of love. In this, all justice, all mercy, and all meekness are together. And they’ll never be apart. But how to get them?

Only by Him, Jesus Christ only. The rest will come at its time.

Mamut Takes On: The Day of Lost Hope

Hmm, 9-11. I don’t remember much about that day, I was in third grade back in Puerto Rico. But I do know, however, is that it can be hands-down considered the worst day in modern American history, and global history at its count. The attacks at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the failed one to the White House showed that even the most powerfully dominant country of the world has its wounds-hidden wounds. And for me, it makes my own in a powerful, gut-bending guise. I draw this from the book of Lamentations:

How deserted lies the city, once so full of people! How like a widow is she, who once was great among the nations! She who was queen among the provinces has now become a slave. (Lamentations 1:1, NIV)

I was in third grade, I repeat. A friend of mine had its birthday, so we were to celebrate it on the cancha on school. However, we saw on one of the classroom’s TV that the Twin Towers were attacked. It created immediate panic amongst teachers and mothers; some teachers were also mothers. Mami usually passed by, and when she knew about this, she immediately took us home, in high noon. The days thereafter would prove the weaknesses of the exemplary Western society. But it pulled many together.

In 9th grade, our teacher, Mrs. Arroyo, made us do a special assignment about 9-11. Instead of taking the actual events, I took what happened after the events, about how NAFTA and NATO reacted and still do to that time. I told her and many –which surprised her, and me too-, “I don’t like the assignment.”

Eight years later, I’m standing on a computer, three hours, forty-four minutes shy from the “capital of the world”, close to the capital of this nation. It’s near chilling and heartbreaking that this has happened. 2,914 people dead and 24 missing. How could God let this happen? How could He let those poor families carry the cross of their dead relatives, carried by such shameless people? Is it really an internal complot for world domination, or just an excuse for war from America? Was it just an action carried by a government that despises Western freedom? I do not know, nor do I care.

I can’t imagine how those Arab families in America have felt after that horrible day. Those pressures of living a normal live have carried to this very time. Not only that, but the economy never recovered. But something happened: God did made good out of the bad. He let America unite each other, proving that were sin is, grace over abounds (Romans 5:20). America, at least for a moment, was united, linked with one another. And, if only for a moment, that same country proved how powerful is that great motto: “In God We Trust”.

My prayers go out for the victims of 9-11.

Mamut Takes On: Put the "H" In Healthcare!

It’s Mamut Takes On, with a special about healthcare!

Back about in Puerto Rico, we had First Medical, a private medical insurance plan. It covered for dental, certain surgeries, and many more. First Medical was inanely better than the government plan, which was limited to certain stuff. Now in the credit crunch, many things have changed, but the plan (I think) stayed the same.

Unfortunately, Papi cancelled the insurance plan, since moving would be like not having any. Right now, we don’t have any! My uncle has an insurance plan granted by the Navy; however, since we are nephews –not his (legal) offspring-, it won’t cover for us.

How come the US has the most advanced health care system on the planet, yet only a “chosen few” get to enjoy its full benefits?

Right now, the eternal debate of public vs. private healthcare has reached its boiling point: how will Congress react? They have to make a vote over this. Would we look over a universal healthcare reform for everybody to enjoy in the future, amidst the slow economy and collapsing Western society? Or will we be forced to forgo visits to the doctor in the name of the money?

Honest; I am way out of my element here. What Bible verse will I use for healthcare? God obviously wants us to be healthy, that’s a plus! But which reform will serve better our country? (I live here now; I’m finally entitled to say it.)

Commonwealth, do your choice:

What would you think will happen if healthcare reform went either passing Congress or failing to the trash?

Do you have healthcare? How and why?

What do you think needs improvement on the American healthcare system?

If you are from another country, how healthcare is served?

This Is My Gift

Today is my 16th birthday! It’s like the only concurrent day in the year where you are at least allowed to focus on yourself. After 12:00 am, it’s back to the shadows!

Decisions, decisions, decisions. The worst thing to do is choose what gift to get. How they do it? By summer, my parents ask me to start thinking about what I want for my birthday, in which I fail to respond until the very last day and nothing’s available. Then, or it gets cancelled until later, or Christmas, or something else, or nothing more.

So, this time, it’s no more exception than last year. But actually being in Maryland changes everything! Honestly, I don’t know what to ask, for this is going to be the worst time for recovery for my tío. There are many things we would like to do, but we have to wait, wait, wait… And on top of that, I can’t choose what the title for this post is! I thought for a lot, but I either knew them from another or were inanely stupid!

I wrote something yesterday night (I know, I’m not big on writing in advance ‘cause I don’t like it and some other stuff), but something better came up. I woke up, I bathe, I brushed my teeth, and waited for my dad to leave from using the laptop so that yours truly can start writing something up. Among my inability to do decisions, what should be my gift? What can I ask? What’s that thing God wants me to have?

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23, NIV)

I used this verse for the other post. However, as much as I try to refrain simple verses or things everyone knows, the gift they asked me looks so much like that gift of eternal life God gave me a while ago. And I gracefully accepted it, with no need to! And God wants us to have that gift for all time! Thank You, Lord!

How great is our God!

Some Assembly Required

God bless my mother. She’s a multitasker: housewife, independent woman, strong-willed, and a perennial handywoman. God also bless my sister; a royal pain in the tuches, but you gotta love her wit!

Earlier today, they were assembling a desktop that my uncle bought for his PC. (There are still boxes to put in, get out, and the like.) This I am fully excited to; a holiday weekend sharing his laptop with my sis and I is more than enough! So they opened the box and the care of the pieces wowed me! The instructions were in English, French and Spanish. We looked for assembly videos in the web, but we couldn’t find any. We did find, however, that the instructions were pictorial.

My mom was exasperated for my overuse of technical jargon, so she woke up my sister and isolated me to find stuff. With the pleas of not falling and breaking the glass (I’m high-maintenance), they eventually uncovered a problem: the sides couldn’t fit. It became a plethora of mounting and dismounting until both sides fit, near 1:00 pm. Yet, part of it didn’t… fit well; a small hole was left in.

So I thought: Are we like that? Some assembly required? (Didn’t see this in the box!)

Restore me to the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalms 51:12, NIV)

We have wedges in our hearts: broken pieces, eaten away by sin, hate, or just plain waste. And how come we turn to God as boxes, saying in über-fine print, “some assembly required”? He takes the time willing to fit us back again, not really having the need to. Those wedges He restores: he transforms us, lifts us, or leave them that way. Why so? Aren’t we complete in Him?

And what about that wedge? Honestly, I don’t know; at least, the table is near ready, soon to be used.

Mamut Takes On: He's Yanking On My (Own!) Chain!

Topic: Family
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UGH! I have HAD it! It’s just that… err… um…

I love my dad, and Dios me libre not to talk (bad!) about him, but he bugs me out with sarcasm. Just any stupid remark he throws full of joke of irony, and it makes me depressed. I’m bummed.

God bless him at tall, but why he throws such vocal “shnoz”? Maybe, it’s just his personality. No way I can change that. It means that I need to lighten up and go with the flow. Still, why can’t I change myself? (As I’ve said, that’s God’s job; we only believe and abide to His will.) This can become depressing. But what about…?

Carry each other’s burden, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2, NIV)

Paul tells us to carry our weaknesses, faults, and each other, and we will please the Lord. (I guess this si why He invented families.) So, I have to mind on his weaknesses, and love him as my father. I’ll please the Father in the Heavens. But…

…For each one should carry his own load. (Galatians 6:5, NIV)

Now I see! We should also be careful, taking up our own crosses while we help others with their own. It is hard, but possible in Christ. This is why Jesus says:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me… for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28,30)

Te amo mucho, Papi!

I love you so much, Daddy!

The Last Days: Waiting All My Life

What happened while I was gone?
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Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. (Psalms 126:5)

How much the Lord has moved His mighty hand at our favor!

I just can’t believe it! It took nearly 16 years and more for our family to do this big leap. One day we were feeling the pain of leaving our island (we still do), but how much are we rejoicing for a new family joined together!

How come many people have oh, so desired coming to America, but just have to either die trying or risking it on the borders or on the balsas? Or how others just plain… waste this privilege? What things will we face on in this walk? How will the trials shake us to the core? How will my uncle’s treatment affect our lives? How will I have to deal with the school people, and my sister on work, and others? How will I become a witness? These questions pop up in my mind so fast-paced as you can think of.

Knowing that God will set His pace in our life really is charming and blessed, but it’s also worrying (will He speed up, or will He drop down on me?) at its own time. This fact just makes me realize that there are just things that go well beyond my reach, and that the Lord Himself will resolve. What a mighty God I serve!

Even with all trial facing open wounds, nothing can snatch me –I mean, us- out of His hands. I know that I am an easy insecure doubter at times, but God still loves me the same way He did at that cross two millennia ago. It’s a trouble keeping up with time, but I know that by faith, even though I flaunt and fail and whine and groan, it’s an adventure serving the Lord with all I have... even if it ain’t much! (hahaha)

And the best part is, you’ll stick with me for all!

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The Last Days: Waiting ALl My Life

What happened while I was gone?
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Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. (Psalms 126:5)

How much the Lord has moved His mighty hand at our favor!

I just can’t believe it! It took nearly 16 years and more for our family to do this big leap. One day we were feeling the pain of leaving our island (we still do), but how much are we rejoicing for a new family joined together!

How come many people have oh, so desired coming to America, but just have to either die trying or risking it on the borders or on the balsas? Or how others just plain… waste this privilege? What things will we face on in this walk? How will the trials shake us to the core? How will my uncle’s treatment affect our lives? How will I have to deal with the school people, and my sister on work, and others? How will I become a witness? These questions pop up in my mind so fast-paced as you can think of.

Knowing that God will set His pace in our life really is charming and blessed, but it’s also worrying (will He speed up, or will He drop down on me?) at its own time. This fact just makes me realize that there are just things that go well beyond my reach, and that the Lord Himself will resolve. What a mighty God I serve!

Even with all trial facing open wounds, nothing can snatch me –I mean, us- out of His hands. I know that I am an easy insecure doubter at times, but God still loves me the same way He did at that cross two millennia ago. It’s a trouble keeping up with time, but I know that by faith, even though I flaunt and fail and whine and groan, it’s an adventure serving the Lord with all I have... even if it ain’t much! (hahaha)

And the best part is, you’ll stick with me for all!

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