All is well within these couple of days. Now that October is running around the corner, it also means that the holidays are coming! Among other family activities we will all soon be sharing, I’m also pondering up about something.
When I opened to you about the “gay scandals” back in late July, it was a really heart-wrenching deal throwing this up in the open. (You can remember what actually happened.) It was somewhat strange and really personal (now, it’s not that much!) that God knows that pain-in-the-gut feeling I had. Also, September 30 really reminds me of another time…
After the big hoopla happened with the computer, it seemed to pull fine after a few weeks. I remember August 24, the end of the Olympics, the fake system antivirus seemed to clear up. It was also a relief, so nothing much happened in those weeks. My birthday passed, other church activities passed, school passed, for a span of a month. It also resurged, but not as immediate. I don’t remember watched when I relapsed into the gay porn thing, but I do know about Tuesday, September 30, 2008. I was going to a school to do some SSL hours (they were giving the College Board exams in the school, we had the day off) and I searched for it. Before and after, I knew many sites that I unfortunately remember. I even looked up on the “Church of Priapus” a few times in July! When I came back from the school, I went to the computer, and Mami gave me a stern warning. (She knew what was going to happen.) It went way downhill from there, and you could know what’s up next. I hit something that I shouldn’t hit, and BAM! Another fake system antivirus on the run! They were upset (who wouldn’t?) and I wasn’t allowed to use the computer for the rest of the year without supervision. The computer was erased, but its memories still haunt me… forever. (Well, not that much…)
It reminds me of this comment someone gave when I wrote the post:
When I opened to you about the “gay scandals” back in late July, it was a really heart-wrenching deal throwing this up in the open. (You can remember what actually happened.) It was somewhat strange and really personal (now, it’s not that much!) that God knows that pain-in-the-gut feeling I had. Also, September 30 really reminds me of another time…
After the big hoopla happened with the computer, it seemed to pull fine after a few weeks. I remember August 24, the end of the Olympics, the fake system antivirus seemed to clear up. It was also a relief, so nothing much happened in those weeks. My birthday passed, other church activities passed, school passed, for a span of a month. It also resurged, but not as immediate. I don’t remember watched when I relapsed into the gay porn thing, but I do know about Tuesday, September 30, 2008. I was going to a school to do some SSL hours (they were giving the College Board exams in the school, we had the day off) and I searched for it. Before and after, I knew many sites that I unfortunately remember. I even looked up on the “Church of Priapus” a few times in July! When I came back from the school, I went to the computer, and Mami gave me a stern warning. (She knew what was going to happen.) It went way downhill from there, and you could know what’s up next. I hit something that I shouldn’t hit, and BAM! Another fake system antivirus on the run! They were upset (who wouldn’t?) and I wasn’t allowed to use the computer for the rest of the year without supervision. The computer was erased, but its memories still haunt me… forever. (Well, not that much…)
It reminds me of this comment someone gave when I wrote the post:
"But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead
and is alive again; he was lost and is found."(Luke 15:32, NIV)
He has not timed your healing, He has not healed your time. He is waiting, and you are merely looking for Him.
The goal of “My Life in You” is not to boast about our preferences, nor beliefs, nor condemn, nor make biases (we have all done so); it’s to celebrate God in our lives, to bring a touch of humanity to not a forum, but a family. I will be honest: I still can’t grasp that truth that Jesus is waiting for me. For what? For me to give up my past? For me to forget all those things that I can’t lay down on my own? To refresh in the ponds of His love with no doubt or malice? Where I can’t go, will He cover?
Lord, I do not know what expects me in my life. Let me be willing to surrender all I can’t go for. Let me know You are waiting with open hands for us to refresh in Your love. Be glorified, let us live free in Your grace, and I ask for forgiveness in Your cross. In Your name I pray, according to Your will… AMEN.
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